little random girl.

LETTERS TO JULIET

2011-05-18T00:33:00.002+08:00

Dear Claire,
What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be.
But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you
for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?
I don’t know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love,
then it’s never too late.
If it was true then, why wouldn’t it be true now?
You need only the courage to follow your heart.
I don’t know what a love like Juliet’s feels like
– love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for –
but I’d like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it.
And, Claire, if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will.
All my love, Juliet

Doubt thou stars are fire
Doubt that the sun doth move
Doubt truth be a liar
But never doubt I love

i fell in love with peeta mellark.

2011-01-10T19:58:00.001+08:00

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow
a bed of grass, a soft green pillow
lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes
and when again they open, the sun will rise.
Hear it's safe, here it's warm
hear the daisies guard you from every harm
hear your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
hear is the place where i love you.
Deep in the meadow, hidden far away
a clock of leaves, a moonbeam ray
forget your woes and let your troubles lay
and when again it's morning, they'll wash away.
Hear it's safe, hears its' warm
hear the daises guard you from every harm
Hear your dreams are sweet and tomorrow bring them true
hear is the place where i love you."
— Suzanne Collins: Hunger Games

Snow, Glass, Apples by Neil Gaiman

2011-01-09T12:54:00.002+08:00

Snow, Glass, Apples
Copyright (c) 1994 Neil Gaiman

I do not know what manner of thing she is. None of us do. She killed her mother in the birthing, but that’s never enough to account for it.

They call me wise, but I am far from wise, for all that I foresaw fragments of it, frozen moments caught in pools of water or in the cold glass of my mirror. If I were wise I would not have tried to change what I saw. If I were wise I would have killed myself before ever I encountered her, before ever I caught him.

Wise, and a witch, or so they said, and I’d seen his face in my dreams and in reflections for all my life: sixteen years of dreaming of him before he reined his horse by the bridge that morning, and asked my name. He helped me onto his high horse and we rode together to my little cottage, my face buried in the gold of his hair. He asked for the best of what I had; a king’s right, it was.

His beard was red-bronze in the morning light, and I knew him, not as a king, for I knew nothing of kings then, but as my love. He took all he wanted from me, the right of kings, but he returned to me on the following day, and on the night after that: his beard so red, his hair so gold, his eyes the blue of a summer sky, his skin tanned the gentle brown of ripe wheat.

His daughter was only a child: no more than five years of age when I came to the palace. A portrait of her dead mother hung in the princess’s tower room; a tall woman, hair the colour of dark wood, eyes nut-brown. She was of a different blood to her pale daughter.

The girl would not eat with us.

I do not know where in the palace she ate.

I had my own chambers. My husband the king, he had his own rooms also. When he wanted me he would send for me, and I would go to him, and pleasure him, and take my pleasure with him.

One night, several months after I was brought to the palace, she came to my rooms. She was six. I was embroidering by lamplight, squinting my eyes against the lamp’s smoke and fitful illumination. When I looked up, she was there.

“Princess?”

She said nothing. Her eyes were black as coal, black as her hair; her lips were redder than blood. She looked up at me and smiled. Her teeth seemed sharp, even then, in the lamplight.

“What are you doing away from your room?”

“I’m hungry,” she said, like any child.

It was winter, when fresh food is a dream of warmth and sunlight; but I had strings of whole apples, cored and dried, hanging from the beams of my chamber, and I pulled an apple down for her.

“Here.”

Autumn is the time of drying, of preserving, a time of picking apples, of rendering the goose fat. Winter is the time of hunger, of snow, and of death; and it is the time of the midwinter feast, when we rub the goose-fat into the skin of a whole pig, stuffed with that autumn’s apples, then we roast it or spit it, and we prepare to feast upon the crackling.

She took the dried apple from me and began to chew it with her sharp yellow teeth.

“Is it good?”

She nodded. I had always been scared of the little princess, but at that moment I warmed to her and, with my fingers, gently, I stroked her cheek. She looked at me and smiled — she smiled but rarely — then she sank her teeth into the base of my thumb, the Mound of Venus, and she drew blood.

I began to shriek, from pain and from surprise; but she looked at me and I fell silent.

The little Princess fastened her mouth to my hand and licked and sucked and drank. When she was finished, she left my chamber. Beneath my gaze the cut that she had made began to close, to scab, and to heal. The next day it was an old scar: I might have cut my hand with a pocket-knife in my childhood.

I had been frozen by her, owned and dominated. That scared me, more than the blood she had fed on. After that night I locked my chamber door at dusk, barring it with an oaken pole, and I had the smith forge iron bars, which he placed across my windows.

My husband, my love, my king, sent for me less and less, and when I came to him he was dizzy, listless, confused. He could no longer make love as a man makes love; and he would not permit me to pleasure him with my mouth: the one time I tried, he started, violently, and began to weep. I pulled my mouth away and held him tightly, until the sobbing had stopped, and he slept, like a child.

I ran my fingers across his skin as he slept. It was covered in a multitude of ancient scars. But I could recall no scars from the days of our courtship, save one, on his side, where a boar had gored him when he was a youth.

Soon he was a shadow of the man I had met and loved by the bridge. His bones showed, blue and white, beneath his skin. I was with him at the last: his hands were cold as stone, his eyes milky-blue, his hair and beard faded and lustreless and limp. He died unshriven, his skin nipped and pocked from head to toe with tiny, old scars.

He weighed near to nothing. The ground was frozen hard, and we could dig no grave for him, so we made a cairn of rocks and stones above his body, as a memorial only, for there was little enough of him left to protect from the hunger of the beasts and the birds.

So I was queen.

And I was foolish, and young — eighteen summers had come and gone since first I saw daylight — and I did not do what I would do, now.

If it were today, I would have her heart cut out, true. But then I would have her head and arms and legs cut off. I would have them disembowel her. And then I would watch, in the town square, as the hangman heated the fire to white-heat with bellows, watch unblinking as he consigned each part of her to the fire. I would have archers around the square, who would shoot any bird or animal who came close to the flames, any raven or dog or hawk or rat. And I would not close my eyes until the princess was ash, and a gentle wind could scatter her like snow.

I did not do this thing, and we pay for our mistakes.

They say I was fooled; that it was not her heart. That it was the heart of an animal — a stag, perhaps, or a boar. They say that, and they are wrong.

And some say (but it is her lie, not mine) that I was given the heart, and that I ate it. Lies and half-truths fall like snow, covering the things that I remember, the things I saw. A landscape, unrecognisable after a snowfall; that is what she has made of my life.

There were scars on my love, her father’s thighs, and on his ballock-pouch, and on his male member, when he died.

I did not go with them. They took her in the day, while she slept, and was at her weakest. They took her to the heart of the forest, and there they opened her blouse, and they cut out her heart, and they left her dead, in a gully, for the forest to swallow.

The forest is a dark place, the border to many kingdoms; no-one would be foolish enough to claim jurisdiction over it. Outlaws live in the forest. Robbers live in the forest, and so do wolves. You can ride through the forest for a dozen days and never see a soul; but there are eyes upon you the entire time.

They brought me her heart. I know it was hers — no sow’s heart or doe’s would have continued to beat and pulse after it had been cut out, as that one did.

I took it to my chamber.

I did not eat it: I hung it from the beams above my bed, placed it on a length of twine that I strung with rowan-berries, orange-red as a robin’s breast; and with bulbs of garlic.

Outside, the snow fell, covering the footprints of my huntsmen, covering her tiny body in the forest where it lay.

I had the smith remove the iron bars from my windows, and I would spend some time in my room each afternoon through the short winter days, gazing out over the forest, until darkness fell.

There were, as I have already stated, people in the forest. They would come out, some of them, for the Spring Fair: a greedy, feral, dangerous people; some were stunted — dwarfs and midgets and hunchbacks; others had the huge teeth and vacant gazes of idiots; some had fingers like flippers or crab-claws. They would creep out of the forest each year for the Spring Fair, held when the snows had melted.

As a young lass I had worked at the Fair, and they had scared me then, the forest folk. I told fortunes for the Fairgoers, scrying in a pool of still water; and, later, when I was older, in a disc of polished glass, its back all silvered — a gift from a merchant whose straying horse I had seen in a pool of ink.

The stallholders at the fair were afraid of the forest folk; they would nail their wares to the bare boards of their stalls — slabs of gingerbread or leather belts were nailed with great iron nails to the wood. If their wares were not nailed, they said, the forest folk would take them, and run away, chewing on the stolen gingerbread, flailing about them with the belts.

The forest folk had money, though: a coin here, another there, sometimes stained green by time or the earth, the face on the coin unknown to even the oldest of us. Also they had things to trade, and thus the fair continued, serving the outcasts and the dwarfs, serving the robbers (if they were circumspect) who preyed on the rare travellers from lands beyond the forest, or on gypsies, or on the deer. (This was robbery in the eyes of the law. The deer were the queen’s.)

The years passed by slowly, and my people claimed that I ruled them with wisdom. The heart still hung above by bed, pulsing gently in the night. If there were any who mourned the child, I saw no evidence: she was a thing of terror, back then, and they believed themselves well rid of her.

Spring Fair followed Spring Fair: five of them, each sadder, poorer, shoddier than the one before. Fewer of the forest folk came out of the forest to buy. Those who did seemed subdued and listless. The stallholders stopped nailing their wares to the boards of their stalls. And by the fifth year but a handful of folk came from the forest — a fearful huddle of little hairy men, and no-one else.

The Lord of the Fair, and his page, came to me when the fair was done. I had known him slightly, before I was queen.

“I do not come to you as my queen,” he said.

I said nothing. I listened.

“I come to you because you are wise,” he continued. “When you were a child you found a strayed foal by staring into a pool of ink; when you were a maiden you found a lost infant who had wandered far from her mother, by staring into that mirror of yours. You know secrets and you can seek out things hidden. My queen,” he asked, “what is taking the forest folk? Next year there will be no Spring Fair. The travellers from other kingdoms have grown scarce and few, the folk of the forest are almost gone. Another year like the last, and we shall all starve.”

I commanded my maidservant to bring me my looking-glass. It was a simple thing, a silver-backed glass disk, which I kept wrapped in a doe-skin, in a chest, in my chamber.

They brought it to me, then, and I gazed into it:

She was twelve and she was no longer a little child. Her skin was still pale, her eyes and hair coal-black, her lips as red as blood. She wore the clothes she had worn when she left the castle for the last time — the blouse, the skirt, — although they were much let-out, much mended. Over them she wore a leather cloak, and instead of boots she had leather bags, tied with thongs, over her tiny feet.

She was standing in the forest, beside a tree.

As I watched, in the eye of my mind, I saw her edge and step and flitter and pad from tree to tree, like an animal: a bat or a wolf. She was following someone.

He was a monk. He wore sackcloth, and his feet were bare, and scabbed and hard. His beard and tonsure were of a length, overgrown, unshaven.

She watched him from behind the trees. Eventually he paused for the night, and began to make a fire, laying twigs down, breaking up a robin’s nest as kindling. He had a tinder-box in his robe, and he knocked the flint against the steel until the sparks caught the tinder and the fire flamed. There had been two eggs in the nest he had found, and these he ate, raw. They cannot have been much of a meal for so big a man.

He sat there in the firelight, and she came out from her hiding place. She crouched down on the other side of the fire, and stared at him. He grinned, as if it were a long time since he had seen another human, and beckoned her over to him.

She stood up and walked around the fire, and waited, an arms-length away. He pulled in his robe until he found a coin — a tiny, copper penny, — and tossed it to her. She caught it, and nodded, and went to him. He pulled at the rope around his waist, and his robe swung open. His body was as hairy as a bear’s. She pushed him back onto the moss. One hand crept, spider-like, through the tangle of hair, until it closed on his manhood; the other hand traced a circle on his left nipple. He closed his eyes, and fumbled one huge hand under her skirt. She lowered her mouth to the nipple she had been teasing, her smooth skin white on the furry brown body of him.

She sank her teeth deep into his breast. His eyes opened, then they closed again, and she drank.

She straddled him, and she fed. As she did so a thin blackish liquid began to dribble from between her legs…

“Do you know what is keeping the travellers from our town? What is happening to the forest people?” asked the Head of the Fair.

I covered the mirror in doe-skin, and told him that I would personally take it upon myself to make the forest safe once more.

I had to, although she terrified me. I was the queen.

A foolish woman would have gone then into the forest and tried to capture the creature; but I had been foolish once and had no wish to be so a second time.

I spent time with old books, for I could read a little. I spent time with the gypsy women (who passed through our country across the mountains to the south, rather than cross the forest to the north and the west).

I prepared myself, and obtained those things I would need, and when the first snows began to fall, then I was ready.

Naked, I was, and alone in the highest tower of the palace, a place open to the sky. The winds chilled my body; goose-pimples crept across my arms and thighs and breasts. I carried a silver basin, and a basket in which I had placed a silver knife, a silver pin, some tongs, a grey robe and three green apples.

I put them down and stood there, unclothed, on the tower, humble before the night sky and the wind. Had any man seen me standing there, I would have had his eyes; but there was no-one to spy. Clouds scudded across the sky, hiding and uncovering the waning moon.

I took the silver knife, and slashed my left arm — once, twice, three times. The blood dripped into the basin, scarlet seeming black in the moonlight.

I added the powder from the vial that hung around my neck. It was a brown dust, made of dried herbs and the skin of a particular toad, and from certain other things. It thickened the blood, while preventing it from clotting.

I took the three apples, one by one, and pricked their skins gently with my silver pin. Then I placed the apples in the silver bowl, and let them sit there while the first tiny flakes of snow of the year fell slowly onto my skin, and onto the apples, and onto the blood.

When dawn began to brighten the sky I covered myself with the grey cloak, and took the red apples from the silver bowl, one by one, lifting each into my basket with silver tongs, taking care not to touch it. There was nothing left of my blood or of the brown powder in the silver bowl, save nothing save a black residue, like a verdigris, on the inside.

I buried the bowl in the earth. Then I cast a glamour on the apples (as once, years before, by a bridge, I had cast a glamour on myself), that they were, beyond any doubt, the most wonderful apples in the world; and the crimson blush of their skins was the warm colour of fresh blood.

I pulled the hood of my cloak low over my face, and I took ribbons and pretty hair ornaments with me, placed them above the apples in the reed basket, and I walked alone into the forest, until I came to her dwelling: a high, sandstone cliff, laced with deep caves going back a way into the rock wall.

There were trees and boulders around the cliff-face, and I walked quietly and gently from tree to tree, without disturbing a twig or a fallen leaf. Eventually I found my place to hide, and I waited, and I watched.

After some hours a clutch of dwarfs crawled out of the cave-front — ugly, misshapen, hairy little men, the old inhabitants of this country. You saw them seldom now.

They vanished into the wood, and none of them spied me, though one of them stopped to piss against the rock I hid behind.

I waited. No more came out.

I went to the cave entrance and hallooed into it, in a cracked old voice.

The scar on my Mound of Venus throbbed and pulsed as she came towards me, out of the darkness, naked and alone.

She was thirteen years of age, my stepdaughter, and nothing marred the perfect whiteness of her skin save for the livid scar on her left breast, where her heart had been cut from her long since.

The insides of her thighs were stained with wet black filth.

She peered at me, hidden, as I was, in my cloak. She looked at me hungrily. “Ribbons, goodwife,” I croaked. “Pretty ribbons for your hair…”

She smiled and beckoned to me. A tug; the scar on my hand was pulling me towards her. I did what I had planned to do, but I did it more readily than I had planned: I dropped my basket, and screeched like the bloodless old pedlar woman I was pretending to be, and I ran.

My grey cloak was the colour of the forest, and I was fast; she did not catch me.

I made my way back to the palace.

I did not see it. Let us imagine though, the girl returning, frustrated and hungry, to her cave, and finding my fallen basket on the ground.

What did she do?

I like to think she played first with the ribbons, twined them into her raven hair, looped them around her pale neck or her tiny waist.

And then, curious, she moved the cloth to see what else was in the basket; and she saw the red, red apples.

They smelled like fresh apples, of course; and they also smelled of blood. And she was hungry. I imagine her picking up an apple, pressing it against her cheek, feeling the cold smoothness of it against her skin.

And she opened her mouth and bit deep into it…

By the time I reached my chambers, the heart that hung from the roof-beam, with the apples and hams and the dried sausages, had ceased to beat. It hung there, quietly, without motion or life, and I felt safe once more.

That winter the snows were high and deep, and were late melting. We were all hungry come the spring.

The Spring Fair was slightly improved that year. The forest folk were few, but they were there, and there were travellers from the lands beyond the forest.

I saw the little hairy men of the forest-cave buying and bargaining for pieces of glass, and lumps of crystal and of quartz-rock. They paid for the glass with silver coins — the spoils of my stepdaughter’s depredations, I had no doubt. When it got about what they were buying, townsfolk rushed back to their homes, came back with their lucky crystals, and, in a few cases, with whole sheets of glass.

I thought, briefly, about having them killed, but I did not. As long as the heart hung, silent and immobile and cold, from the beam of my chamber, I was safe, and so were the folk of the forest, and, thus, eventually, the folk of the town.

My twenty-fifth year came, and my stepdaughter had eaten the poisoned fruit two winters’ back, when the Prince came to my Palace. He was tall, very tall, with cold green eyes and the swarthy skin of those from beyond the mountains.

He rode with a small retinue: large enough to defend him, small enough that another monarch — myself, for instance — would not view him as a potential threat.

I was practical: I thought of the alliance of our lands, thought of the Kingdom running from the forests all the way south to the sea; I thought of my golden-haired bearded love, dead these eight years; and, in the night, I went to the Prince’s room.

I am no innocent, although my late husband, who was once my king, was truly my first lover, no matter what they say.

At first the prince seemed excited. He bade me remove my shift, and made me stand in front of the opened window, far from the fire, until my skin was chilled stone-cold. Then he asked me to lie upon my back, with my hands folded across my breasts, my eyes wide open – but staring only at the beams above. He told me not to move, and to breathe as little as possible. He implored me to say nothing. He spread my legs apart.

It was then that he entered me.

As he began to thrust inside me, I felt my hips raise, felt myself begin to match him, grind for grind, push for push. I moaned. I could not help myself.

His manhood slid out of me. I reached out and touched it, a tiny, slippery thing.

“Please,” he said, softly. “You must neither move, nor speak. Just lie there on the stones, so cold and so fair.”

I tried, but he had lost whatever force it was that had made him virile; and, some short while later, I left the Prince’s room, his curses and tears still resounding in my ears.

He left early the next morning, with all his men, and they rode off into the forest.

I imagine his loins, now, as he rode, a knot of frustration at the base of his manhood. I imagine his pale lips pressed so tightly together. Then I imagine his little troupe riding through the forest, finally coming upon the glass-and-crystal cairn of my stepdaughter. So pale. So cold. Naked, beneath the glass, and little more than a girl, and dead.

In my fancy, I can almost feel the sudden hardness of his manhood inside his britches, envision the lust that took him then, the prayers he muttered beneath his breath in thanks for his good fortune. I imagine him negotiating with the little hairy men – offering them gold and spices for the lovely corpse under the crystal mound.

Did they take his gold willingly? Or did they look up to see his men on their horses, with their sharp swords and their spears, and realize they had no alternative?

I do not know. I was not there; I was not scrying. I can only imagine…

Hands, pulling off the lumps of glass and quartz from her cold body. Hands, gently caressing her cold cheek, moving her cold arm, rejoicing to find the corpse still fresh and pliable.

Did he take her there, in front of them all? Or did he have her carried to a secluded nook before he mounted her?

I cannot say.

Did he shake the apple from her throat? Or did her eyes slowly open as he pounded into her cold body; did her mouth open, those red lips part, those sharp yellow teeth close on his swarthy neck, as the blood, which is the life, trickled down her throat, washing down and away the lump of apple, my own, my poison?

I imagine; I do not know.

This I do know: I was woken in the night by her heart pulsing and beating once more. Salt blood dripped onto my face from above. I sat up. My hand burned and pounded as if I had hit the base of my thumb with a rock.

There was a hammering on the door. I felt afraid, but I am a queen, and I would not show fear. I opened the door.

First his men walked in to my chamber, and stood around me, with their sharp swords, and their long spears.

Then he came in; and he spat in my face.

Finally, she walked into my chamber, as she had when I was first a queen, and she was a child of six. She had not changed. Not really.

She pulled down the twine on which her heart was hanging. She pulled off the dried rowan berries, one by one; pulled off the garlic bulb – now a dried thing, after all these years; then she took up her own, her pumping heart — a small thing, no larger than that of a nanny-goat or a she-bear — as it brimmed and pumped its blood into her hand.

Her fingernails must have been as sharp as glass: she opened her breast with them, running them over the purple scar. Her chest gaped, suddenly, open and bloodless. She licked her heart, once, as the blood ran over her hands, and she pushed the heart deep into her breast.

I saw her do it. I saw her close the flesh of her breast once more. I saw the purple scar begin to fade.

Her prince looked briefly concerned, but he put his arm around her nonetheless, and they stood, side by side, and they waited.

And she stayed cold, and the bloom of death remained on her lips, and his lust was not diminished in any way.

They told me they would marry, and the kingdoms would indeed be joined. They told me that I would be with them on their wedding day.

It is starting to get hot in here.

They have told the people bad things about me; a little truth to add savour to the dish, but mixed with many lies.

I was bound and kept in a tiny stone cell beneath the palace, and I remained there through the autumn. Today they fetched me out of the cell; they stripped the rags from me, and washed the filth from me, and then they shaved my head and my loins, and they rubbed my skin with goose grease.

The snow was falling as they carried me — two men at each hand, two men at each leg — utterly exposed, and spread-eagled and cold, through the midwinter crowds; and brought me to this kiln.

My stepdaughter stood there with her prince. She watched me, in my indignity, but she said nothing.

As they thrust me inside, jeering and chaffing as they did so, I saw one snowflake land upon her white cheek, and remain there without melting.

They closed the kiln-door behind me. It is getting hotter in here, and outside they are singing and cheering and banging on the sides of the kiln.

She was not laughing, or jeering, or talking. She did not sneer at me or turn away. She looked at me, though; and for a moment I saw myself reflected in her eyes.

I will not scream. I will not give them that satisfaction. They will have my body, but my soul and my story are my own, and will die with me.

The goose-grease begins to melt and glisten upon my skin. I shall make no sound at all. I shall think no more on this.

I shall think instead of the snowflake on her cheek.

I think of her hair as black as coal, her lips as red as blood, her skin, snow-white.

Nicholas was... by Neil Gaiman

2010-12-24T12:58:00.000+08:00

…older than sin, and his beard could grow no whiter. He wanted to die.

The dwarfish natives of the Arctic caverns did not speak his language, but conversed in their own, twittering tongue, conducted incomprehensible rituals, when they were not actually working in the factories.

Once every year they forced him, sobbing and protesting, into Endless Night. During the journey he would stand near every child in the world, leave one of the dwarves’ invisible gifts by its bedside. The children slept, frozen into time.

He envied Prometheus and Loki, Sisyphus and Judas. His punishment was harsher.

Ho.

Ho.

Ho.

it's been a while...

2010-12-21T18:59:00.002+08:00

hello, i haven't blog for so long. let me recap the things i did and didn't:
- i DID NOT lose weight nor gain any (thank GOD)
- i sort of survived first semester with awesome mid results and supposedly really sucky finals. don't know what the outcome will be. have no idea & still trying really hard to not care at all.
- still with dear boyfriend for like 8months ;) monthly thing always made me think too much like... about the future & other head-jamming stuff :'(
- i know i shouldn't make any excuses but i was really sick during finals. yeah add to that the fact i didn't study that much & i didn't come to class that often... but SICK! like hello...
- still not ready to spend the rest of my life with anyone. even the thought of it always made my head spinning & my tummy went all wrong. my mom should really stop making me 'think'.
- i NEED a car. it's decided, when i turn 20 i seriously MUST beg for a car.
- my passion for reading hasn't improved much since singapore era. but the appetite to buy the books seems to increase.
- LOST ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOK. *cries* will buy when money grows on trees.
- money really does grow on trees. it's fucking made of paper.
- OXY10 deprivation. i have lots of pimples. i hate it. i hate it. i fell like tearing up my face AND my back. i used to have none but now... it's like FUNGUS, sprouting here and there like nobody's business.
- this extreme hair-loss seriously needs to stop like RIGHT NOW. i need to dye it blue :'( that's like my long lost resolution never recovered.
- realized that iPhone 3Gs & iPhone 4 prices are exactly the same. with all the 5pixels cam, double cam, facetime, HD vids, higher resolution & new processor, who wouldn't regret. actually i did ;) i hate the square-y shape iPhone 4 has. not nice to grip.
- some scandals with few people, some i did care some i couldn't care less. but it's now in the past & i won't go back. felt stupid & got over it real quick ;P
- still in the state of tumblr frenzy :D

wanted to write some personal stories that happened a few while back but decided not to. i realized everytime i read about those stories i had written, the feelings surged back. happy feelings & the not-so-wanted feelings. & so, from here then on i shall not write anymore heart-to-heart stories & shall keep it to myself until i get over it alone. i believe in my ability to control my feelings over these kind of trivial things. if i can't get over it, i could just forget about it OR pretend i don't remember. it doesn't hurt, unless i walk. i am happy.

I dont feel pain
unless I try to talk
I dont even cry
unless I open my eyes

when all i can say is wo bu zhi dao.

2010-08-08T23:37:00.004+08:00

okay so i took a mandarin course a while back and decided to do some of the exercises on my own. it went well so far until i got to chapter4.
the question was quite simple,
write the pinyin for "This is my pen."
i was like "OKAY...".
firstly i know that "This is pen." is "Zhe shi bi."
and "My pen." is "Wo de bi."
so... am i supposed to combine it together?
so i wrote "Zhe shi wo de bi."
it sounds wrong.
"Zhe wo shi bi." still wrong.
"Zhe wo shi de bi." worse.
"Zhe wo bi?" okay i give up.
so i ended up stickin to my first answer. While i think it might be the right answer... it still sounds wrong. so i guess i shall wait for another session with lao shi to confirm this confusion -.-

this is randomnity speaking.

2010-07-27T18:33:00.002+08:00

i create my own words as i speak.
i write my own songs as i sing.
i think my own way as i read.
i dream my own world as i imagine.
i walk my own path.
i live by my rules.

airplanes & summer

2010-07-25T19:16:00.003+08:00

role model: somebody to be copied, a worthy person who is a good example for other people
Microsoft® Encarta® 2009. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

Amelia Earhart
Never do things others can do and will do, if there are things others cannot do or will not do.
At such a young age she realized what she wants to do. She had to fly. She struggled through hardships, prejudice and scorns to be able to become what she is now, a pioneer in female aviation. She opened a new path for women to work in predominantly male-oriented fields and in a way became a feminist icon. Sadly, she disappeared during her mission to fly around the world. Despite her disappearance, she became more well-known and adored. I first knew her from watching a Shirley Temple biography. She was mentioned briefly there as one of Temple's idol and from then on became mine too.

disney & psp games ARE educating.

2010-07-21T21:44:00.010+08:00

role model: somebody to be copied, a worthy person who is a good example for other people
Microsoft® Encarta® 2009. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

Hua Mulan aka Fa Mulan

The male rabbit's feet kick up and down,
The female rabbit's eyes are bewildered.
Two rabbits running close to the ground,
How can they tell if I am male or female?
-Ballad of Mulan

Despite living as a girl in a traditional Chinese community she still tried to find her own self, her own personality. When everyone is trying to tell her what she must do and society deemed her as one of the lower gender status, she still stays strong and believe in her own worth as a human. Even though she's a mere girl, she took her father place and defend her country by posing as a man. I learned of her existence when I first saw the Disney animated version of Mulan. She posed as a striking heroine to me, in short, she is awesome. Unlike other Disney princesses that played the damsel in distress waiting for the prince to come, she took an action and decide her own future. She may or might not be a real person, since so far her existence is only known from the Ballad of Mulan, but she is truly an awespiring figure.

Joan of Arc aka Jeanne D'Arc
Children say that people are hung sometimes for speaking the truth.

She is famous as the national heroine of France, a peasant girl who, believing that she was acting under divine guidance, led the French army in a momentous victory at Orléans that repulsed an English attempt to conquer France during the Hundred Years’ War. Captured a year afterward, Joan was burned by the English and their French collaborators as a heretic. Her contribution to the history of human courage is perhaps greater than her significance in the political and military history of France. And her contribution as an ongoing inspiration for me is priceless.

kill me when i'm half asleep.

2010-07-19T23:36:00.004+08:00

let me think more about the man in the sky
and ask him about how did it happen
and how will it happens

why did he appear
and why he's not here now

who am i
and who the hell are we

where am i standing
and where am i supposed to go

what is happening to me
and what is happening to this world i live in

and last but not least

when will i die
and when will you be here to save me

zodiacfact

2010-07-15T12:39:00.002+08:00

#Taurus- #Virgo : Virgo wants to serve the world and everyone who belongs in it by identifying their faults and bringing a systematic order to the confusion and disarray around them. Personal security is a virtue that Virgo will work at creating for the future. Taurus, already being well grounded, chooses migrate into seclusion as well. Though Virgo and Taurus may be a boring pair, they are most assuredly compatible.

boring is not really the word i'm looking for in a relationship... but who cares :D

the wasp-bollywood experience.

2010-07-09T21:35:00.002+08:00

don't feel like posting anything lately. feel like must share something but stuff that are happening lately to my super mediocre life are not share-able. ohh i think i'll just share my 'rendezvous' with those lovely wasps.

so a few days ago after long negotiations with dad i agreed to go to lampung.
we abruptly took off.
THE HOTEL WAS SO DAMN NICE.
ok back to topic.
&so there i was begging my mom to eat at PEMPEK123.
to cut it short, i got what i wanted but it's not what i had in mind.
in my simplistic mind i imagined myself eating peacefully in an airconned room.
apparently God has 'better' plans in mind.
despite the good food, there were alot of used tissues on the floor
& (frankly speaking) the waitress who served us was quite slow&dumb
& lots of insects swarming around...
let's go back to the main story here.
just when i was gonna take the first bite...
one darn insect came.
it was bigger than a fly, so i thought it was a bee.
wait i think it would be funnier if i write this in indonesian instead.
okay, jadi gw baru nuangin cuka dengan nafsunya.
peduli ketek sama lalat2 nakal yg berseliweran dgn gk sopannya di dpan gw.
trus tiba2 dateng satu makhluk jahanam yg gw kira lebah.
secara gw punya pengalaman buruk sama lebah, gw langsung sigap defensif.
udh kayak matrix aja gw ngedodge serangan the so-called lebah.
bonyok gw dengan santai cuma nyeletuk 'itu tawon.'
gw kira mreka bakal kasian ngliat yg yg udah kelojotan kyk ulet kebakaran jenggot di atas kursi.
TERNYATA TIDAK.
gw kira mreka bakal merelakan tubuh mreka untuk melindungi gw yg defenseless ini.
TERNYATA GW SALAH BESAR.
serangan tawon sial itu makin gencar.
DAN WORSE, dia memangil kawan2nya.
dan gw pun mulai memakai strategi baru... lari2 keliling meja kejar2an sama tawon.
sumpah kayak bollywood gagal.
kalo film india lari2 kliling taman gw keliling meja.
kalo film india sembunyi di balik pohon gw sembunyi di balik bonyok.
kalo film india lari2 bawa bunga gw bawa piring sama garpu berpempek.
kalo film india org nonton terharu kalo gw malah diketawain.
lalu PLEK! satu tawon tewas di keplak bokap.
gw akhirnya setelah berpikir keras memutuskan untuk pindah meja demi kelangsungan hidup gw.
DAN TAWON2 SIAL ITU NGIKUT.
KNP CUMA GW YG DIRUBUNG?!
Tuhan apakah dosa diriku yang manis ini ya Tuhan.
lalu ada gaungan indah CROT! tanda satu tawon lagi tewas dibantai bokap.
satu persatu musuh bebuyutan gw berjatuhan di tangan bokap.
walaupun bokap menderita luka ringan disaat menepuk salah satu tawon bejat.
MUAHAHAHAHA!!
klo gw g takut dikira org gw udh loncat2 diatas meja deh menari tarian gembira.
melihat onggokan tubuh mereka gw pun bisa makan dgn cukup tenang.
PEMPEK!!

WISHLIST NUMBER ONE.

2010-04-06T14:04:00.004+08:00

as we all know my birthday is coming real soon. so i decide to create a wishlist :) ok this is pointless but at least i can feel some sense of acquirement through listing these stuff. okay firstly let's talk about my obsession over agatha christie's omnibus.

i already have this one.

and so i want these to complete the collection :)

none of your fucking business.

2010-03-10T13:28:00.002+08:00

QUICK UPDATES.
1. It's official, i'm gonna continue my studies here @ UPH Civil Engineering :)
2. A results are out & i'm just ecstatic over the fact there's no ungraded on my slip, or at least that's what Tyas said.
3. Currently busy teaching kindergarten teacher. It's an English speaking course so yeah i don't need to teach grammar & stuff (thank God).
4. & maintaining the school website due to the 'overwhelming' demand from parents.
5. Kinda regret not taking architecture anymore.
6. Crazy over Country Story & Strong Heart.
7. Taking Mandarin & Piano Pop courses.
8. WAS going to write a novel BUT having big difficulties in choosing appropriate words.
9. Missing my Singapore life so very badly.
10. Becoming my brother's homework slave.

yes i know, my literary skill sucks.

some cool songs to listen:
- Tonight you belong to me by The Bird & The Bee
- Pot Kettle Black by Tilly & The Wall
- Unattainable by Little Joy

& some awesome movies to enjoy:
- Whip It
- Stranger Than Fiction
- Law Abiding Citizen

& soundtrack albums to download:
- Almost Alice
- Valentine's Day
- Burnout Revenge

sometimes i feel like the whole world is conspiring against me.

2009-12-28T09:16:00.002+08:00

sometimes i feel like the whole world is conspiring against me.
my family, the government, even the media.

anw i feel like playing restaurant city again thanks to my cousin :p

back to topic. for the past few days i had a trip with my mother's family and a few days before that with my dad's. so yeah, it was SUPPOSED to be fun i guess. apparently, i felt... can't find the right word for it. annoyed? irritated? irked? well the point is, NOT FUN. aside from playing with my cousin, eating stuff, visiting new places and getting new 'names', there's nothing great about the trip. maybe that's because my family is quite screwed up? or issit just me? or maybe cause the 'throwing up on me in the car literaly' part is not amusing, AT ALL. don't know. well, being a role model for my cousin is another good thing worth mentioning. now she has bangs, ipod and likes crosswords. my perfect clone, lol. and she's proud of it. i like her, aside from the fact that she likes to throw up on people...knowing my uncle's/aunt's problems? not quite so. i'm just glad my parents are the most normal ones in their family. so dad THERE'S A VALID REASON WHY I ALWAYS PLUGGED MY EARS WITH HEADPHONES. it's either that or bursting hormones, take a pick.

so that's all for today...

gonna meet up with steph soon :) tomorrow is sherlock holmes time and then back to family business :(

i remember...

2009-12-04T08:50:00.003+08:00

a video...

dear Fiona and Maria,
u two are the best first 3months roommate during bridging course a girl can have. i still remember our alliance happy three friends and all the times fiona and me spent together bullying maria :)

dear Vi, Ferina, Putu and Katie,
the shopping, the gossiping, going out together or just plainly being retarded, i'll miss you guys >.< truly will miss you lots. *suddenly remembers the dance practices we had in the middle of the night*

dear JA and Hani,
thanks for the awesome 4 years :) there're no words to describe it. thank you for always being there for me and yes i love you.

dear Ito, Bohay, Teki and Aton,
you all are the best most awesome guy friends ever ever everrr. thank you so much for listening to my whines and grunts. thanks for all the concern you've showed me up till now. thanks, for just being there.

dear VH people,
tho i can't name you one by one, i will always remember all the card games we had, the basketball game or even the retarded things we did. omg, i just realize i long time nv eat ayam penyet anymore..

dear Kemal, Dicky and Rahardhi,
i'll always remember all the laughter we shared and pictures we took. thanks kemal for the 'bulu' jokes. thanks dicky for the dances. thanks rahardhi for the books. u three have brightened up my life. i'm grateful to have met you all.

dear JM and Tyas,
all the night sessions we had, all the laughs and gossips, all the singing and playing music, all the korean craze, all the sytycd episodes, all the comics we read and all the secrets we've shared. thanks, for 'barging' into my life :)

dear Jas,
u r my best shortest nicest cutest friend everrr. i love u so much and i'll miss u loads loads. promise me u'll never forget me even tho we live super far apart. i still can't believe u're living so very soon.

dear friends,
i'll always cherish these four years. please keep in touch.

LAST PAPER!!

2009-11-29T23:10:00.002+08:00

i might suffer from over exhaustion next week. seriously.
MON: PHY P1, clarke Q.
TUE: change ticket @GARUDA, Fish n CO + shopping.
WED: do stuff @school, Butter Factory.
THURS: Sentosa.
FRI: prom.
SAT: ms Tan's wedding.
SUN: dead tired.

still wanna go bugis & suntec & zoo & science centre & SAM.
dang :( so many things to do so little time.

i could just stare at the clouds all day long.

2009-11-27T12:27:00.006+08:00

WEDNESDAY 25 NOVEMBER 2009 @KBOX CINE
with germain, yiting, ryan and hongqian.

just realize i never take a picture of HQ. sowwieee. we met karan & friends afterward. he's such an ass.

FRIDAY 27 NOVEMBER 2009 @CJCH
after IDUL ADHA @Indonesian Embassy
& lunch @McD
iCLOUDs.

it rained today.

2009-11-19T21:54:00.002+08:00

it rained today.

Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die

happy should have been 2nd anniversary :)

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue,
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back

you're the best that i've ever had.

and baby the way you make my world go round

not such a great day.

2009-11-17T17:53:00.004+08:00

today is not really such a good day. it's a day ALMOST fully packed with misfortune.
1. when i woke up i found my laptop turned off even though i left it on last night. when i tried to turned it on again, it didn't work and i almost cried cos i thought it died.
2. apparently the electricity died, so like all my electrical appliance died. good thing the fan and the lights are still working. however, the heater and the iron also died. so i am forced to live with ice-cold water and crumpled skirt.
3. the sink i used was clogged.
4. i couldn't eat breakfast cos it's not halal.
5. the side school gate was still locked.
6. and half of the paper was filled with inorganic chemistry.
~.~ great awesome day.

anyway anyhow, here are the revelations of the day.
I LOVE CHOI SIWON
I LOVE KIM KIBUM
I LOVE JUNG YUNHO
I LOVE KIM JUNSU
I WANT SIBERIAN HUSKY

wishful thinking.

2009-11-10T23:40:00.003+08:00

10 THINGS TO DO STRAIGHT AFTER A'S:
1. dye hair: pink/purple/red streak.
2. shopping: clothes & shoes & bags for uni.
3. buy books: danbrown + mitchalbom.
4. club hopping.
5. HAVE FUN AND PLAY HARD.
6. youtube vids.
7. write songs.
8. pack lect notes away.
9. MOVIE MARATHON.
10. draw draw draw.

CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TO END.

midnight song.

2009-11-03T04:57:00.002+08:00

staring blankly at the phone
waiting a ring or a tone
nothing wrong
i wan't home

scrapped notes piling over here
laundry mounting over there
still no call
need to move on

it's not that i'm lonely
it's not that i'm sad
just constantly need hugs
so come give me one

here i still staring at the phone
waiting a ring or a tone
something wrong
i'm alone

2009-10-30T02:22:00.001+08:00

No it doesn't hurt
unless I walk
I dont feel pain
unless I try to talk
I don't even cry
unless I open my eyes
I don't need to kick or scream or curse
No, it doesn't hurt

1461 days of 15MB.

2009-10-28T11:46:00.002+08:00

after four years we've been together,

PHOTOS.

nothing really changes.

♥ HAPPY 4th ANNIVERSARY 15MB ♥
Dicky, Lia, Hani, Ferina, Nivia, Fiona, Andika, Marconi, Vincent, Rahardhi, Brent, Putu, Muchtar, Felix, Katharine, Regina, Laird, Robert, Jessica, Maria, Kemal, Steven, Ayto, Zaki.

500 DAYS OF SUMMER.

2009-10-22T18:16:00.003+08:00

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Tom: Summer, hold on... you don't believe in love?
Summer: I don't even know what that word means. I know I've never felt it, whatever it is in all those songs. And I know that today most marriages end in divorce. Like my parents.
Tom: Well mine too but...
Summer: Oh yeah, And I read in Newsweek, there were these scientists who found that by stimulating a part of the brain with electrodes you can make a person fall in "love" with a rock. Is that the love you're talking about?

colorgenics.

2009-10-14T22:03:00.002+08:00

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

Name: tiara
Date: 11/3/2009
Colorgenics Number: 06215473

You are seeking protection against anything which might seem to be exhausting you or tiring you out. It would appear that you are seeking a life of security and physical ease, free from any problem or disturbance.

You are very orderly, methodical and self sufficient. You demand and need the respect, recognition and understanding of all those who enter into your sphere on influence.

In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influenceand there is no-one to turn to or rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

The unwanted situation in which you presently find yourself is causing you considerable stress and frustration and your feeling is that whatever you try to do to remedy this is to no avail. You feel trapped. You want to get away from it all as you feel that you are banging your head against a brick wall getting nowhere. You have turned your aggression inwards and you are furious with yourself for not being able to achieve your goals. You need to go away, somewhere where there are less restrictions and where you can be free to make your own decisions.

You feel worn out - you have no energy and your depleted vitality has created intolerance for any further stimulation. You feel inadequate and this subjects you to agitation, irritation and acute distress from which you try to escape by refusing further direct participation. You have become very wary and cautious but you have an inner strength. You have that determination to get your own way and succeed in the end.

childhood memories.

2009-10-12T17:28:00.005+08:00

last look on the box.

these pictures were taken at my grandma's house when i was 3..

please ignore the stupid plant.
i was so cute. and still cute of course, lol.
this is my mom. can't believe she used to look so cute.

suddenly remembers this song BUNGA MAWAR by NOVIA KOLOPAKING. i used to sing this while my uncle plays the guitar. good times, good times.

oh bunga mawar lekaslah mengembang
ku ingin memetik dikau
berapa lama kuharus menunggu
tak sabar rasa hatiku

the red line.

2009-10-11T11:05:00.002+08:00

the view from the top of orchard central is damn nice. seriously. and marina barrage is the best place to hang out with a bunch of friends in singapore. i'm like seriously considering that place to be the venue of 15MB last birthday celebration. ok maybe not really last as in last but yeah we're graduating soon. so... oh well. it's really too bad i didn't bring my camera yesterday. damn it. sigh. the only souvenir i got from yesterday's trip is a wet stocking + shoes and chocolate stained shirt. and one last thing. mr bean's car is LIME GREEN.

here goes I STAND ALL ALONE by BRYAN WHITE and DOES GOD EXIST?.

I share my world
With no one else
All by myself
I stand alone

manufacture to destroy.

2009-10-09T21:40:00.007+08:00

yesterday, instead of studying for chem mock exam,
i drew SI MANIS JEMBATAN CJ (basically some creepy woman walking on the corridor) and SUPER 'T'.
and made up some lyrics.
and then got bitten by some shitty insect that looked like a bee.
it hurts damn much.
then JM stepped on it.
serves you right you freak.
in the end i never go to school today and skipped the mock exam.
and my foot now kinda itchy and red instead of swollen.
i'm just glad it's not a bee after all.

just did this.
ROBO-18.
the box for graduation day thingy. still deciding on the pattern for the hat.
yeah, MADE IN INDONESIA.
sacrificing the back of my sketch book for ROBO-18.
a heart and an unfinished barcode
(it's supposed to be a barcode later on)

here goes LADY IN SPAIN by INGRID MICHAELSON and NATHAN TRASORAS from SYTYCD season6. I ♥ NATHAN, too bad they cut teddy tedholm ;( teddy's if it kills me is a must watch!

I am the lady in Spain
I'll sing a haunting refrain
I am the lady from Mars
And I can unscrew the stars

a pocketful of starlight.

2009-10-06T20:30:00.007+08:00

another doodles from my school diary.

totally in love with emo bunny bag.

FAME period.

FAME day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

they all wear tiara ;)

sigh. life is such a drama.
here goes PANGGUNG SANDIWARA by NIKE ARDILLA and SICK & TIRED by SHIHAN.

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away.
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day.

DOODLES.

2009-10-05T19:31:00.011+08:00

these are my doodles during GP tutorial ;p

this one is THE SECOND STAR TO THE RIGHT from PETER PAN.
this one is HERO by Mariah Carey
this lollipop is a compilation of lyrics from three songs ;) the red part is SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW. the purple part is TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR. and the green handle is AMAZING GRACE.

supposed to study chem today but decided to take a pic of all doodles in my organic chem notes.

this one a chick and a rabbit.
it's a cat. this is TOTALLY NOT a bag...
i think it's supposed to be a cross breed between a dog and carebear?
morbid stuff.
zoom out.

and somehow i want to watch HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU again. it's a nice movie ;) here some quotes from the movie.

I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies.

A wise person once told me that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what.
If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.
So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions.

We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

i just love ALEXxGIGI pair. they're awesome! and justin long is kinda cute ;p
ARGH i really wanna wanna watch THE UGLY TRUTH so bad now. sigh.

well anw, here goes WALKIE TALKIE MAN by STERIOGRAM and HOW COME by KIM FIELDS. love it ♥ enjoy.

He's fat and he don't run too fast
But he's faster than me
Last night at the show we saw him
Going out of his tree

not a love song.

2009-10-03T18:13:00.010+08:00

cause i can't get you out of my head
and now i feel that everything's a mess
oh i just can't avert this gaze
away from you

and i keep
scrolling to your name, waiting for a ping
just cropping all our pics, tweet a lil bit
about you dear
please never let me say it

well all i wanna do
is read a lil book
to hear a lil song
and taste a lil sweet
with you, just you

all the talks we had, made me full of grin
all the times we shared, add a lot of tinge
back to my life
with neon lights

i always know that i have never had a chance
to be a friend to you is more than i can be
nothing more or less
please just stay that way

is it wrong to feel
happy when you text
tingly when you smile
even when i see your stupid face
that's how i am

i am not another mushy kind of girl
i won't expect you to always be with me
yeah just let this last
that's all i ask.

i need my own star.

2009-10-01T00:01:00.003+08:00

Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are?
Looking at your magic light
Watching over us tonight

Before my dreams take me away
I kneel beside my bed and pray
For all the children in the dark

Till tomorrow, twinkle little star
Promise me you'll twinkle little star
Cos everybody needs a little star

it's 1st october (yeah) and i haven't started on studying for ~~tomorrow~~ today's econs mock test. great good job. doesn't feel like doing anything (like i ever did) should've draw something instead...
anw, i sort of finished 75% of my first portfolio (yay!). here goes.
that's all for today. oh wait, i should tell everyone this. BRITNEY SPEARS WAS (or maybe still actually is) A GOOD SINGER. i mean she's like almost comparable to christina aguilera. and here i always thought she's just some mindless pop singer. should try hear her sing when she was still in mickey mouse club with justin and christina.
and one more thing, 7.6 SR earthquake at west sumatera. i miraculously felt it just now.
ok, really2 need to study now. ciao.

can't draw for nuts.

2009-09-28T20:35:00.005+08:00

today i've decided to study since my laptop seems to be encouraging me to do that. as you can see, my sidebar continually frustrates me every now and then. so yeah, in a way it prevents me from playing with my laptop too much since the probability of me having fun is comparably smaller than the probability of me getting vexed. my foolscap paper kinda turned into this after a while.

while i was looking for my a level entry proof, i stumbled upon my old drawings. so i decided to take a picture of it and put it up since it's one of my best ;p mind you, i can't draw for nuts.

i still can't find my entry proof though. i don't even remember getting it... oh well, here goes little red riding hood.

and my hunt for old drawings continues with chibi hitsugaya from bleach.

and piggy from my physics EMF notes.

zoom in.

two funny creatures from my organic chem notes.

and emo stuff from my school diary.

i think this entry was before mid year.

and yeah since i'm currently busy doing my portfolio, i might as well put some up. this one's a failure. and JMs doodles just made it worse.

another failure. tried to draw a spiral staircase, but i don't think it works. either redraw or scrap the idea. or i guess i'm gonna try to touch it up again.

currently reskecthing my first failure. anw it's modeled after my real room in jakarta ;)

and this is a picture of me when i was young, cute and innocent. wait, i still am ;)

so as to end this,
i can't draw for nuts.

You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

die alone.

2009-09-26T19:36:00.001+08:00

I woke up this morning with a funny taste in my head.
Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread.
Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue.
Something tastes different, suddenly I'm not so young.

I'm just a stranger, even to myself.
A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf.
Don't be a fool girl, tell him you love him.
Don't be a fool girl, you're not above him.

I never thought I could love anyone but myself.
Now I know I can't love anyone but you.
You make me think that maybe I won't die alone.
Maybe I won't die alone.

Kiss the boys as they walk by, call me their baby.
But little do they know, I'm just a maybe.
Maybe my baby will be the one to leave me sore.
Maybe my baby will settle the score.

I never thought I could love anyone but myself.
Now I know I can't love anyone but you.
You make me think that maybe I won't die alone.
Maybe I won't die alone.

What have I become?
Something soft and really quite dumb.
Because I've fallen, oh, 'cuz I've fall-fallen, oh 'cuz I've fall-fall-fallen
So far away from the place where I started from.

I never thought I could love anyone.
I never thought I could love anyone.
I never thought I could love anyone,
But you, but you, but you, but you, but you
But you make me think that maybe I won't die alone.
Maybe I won't die alone.

Die Alone By Ingrid Michaelson

I. AM. NOT. WEEPY.

can't wait.

2009-09-25T01:35:00.004+08:00

what i'm gonna do after a's other than having fun and applying for unis:
1. fashion design course
2. work with mom
3. learn chinese and drums with bro
4. pick up tennis again
5. set up online shop

hopefully i'll be able to do all that before uni starts. yea, hopefully.

anw ROBO.TO is an awesome site.

still can't sleep without lights and cartoons. sigh.

ONE LAST DAY.

2009-09-18T09:47:00.001+08:00

A sunflower, will always gaze towards
The sun with neither hate nor regret.
Even through strong winds and heavy rain,
It will continue to look up with a smile,
Patiently bearing the pain,
while waiting for the sun to shine once again;
But the sunflower has never felt,
nor will it ever feel, any regret.
-Wicked from 1/2 Prince

INTERNET UNIVERSITY.

2009-09-01T16:20:00.003+08:00

my friend showed me this interesting short story. taken from thejoyfulturnip on deviantart.

As sunlight begins creeping over the dorms of Internet University, massive waves of students begin their daily routines, with IMing and long cafeteria load times abound. We join a scene in the bedroom of notable info-maniac personality Twitter as his roommate Facebook attempts to get him out of bed”

Facebook: "Twitter! Come on get up!"

Twitter: "I'm getting up! Stop poking me!"

Facebook: "Well hurry up! I could write four notes by the time you get ready"

Twitter: "Okay, I'm up. Now I'm putting on my sock"

Facebook: "I don't need the play by play, Tweet"

Twitter: "Dang, I can't find a good shirt. I'm now searching my closet. I’m still looking"

Facebook: "Seriously, man. So unnecessary"

Twitter: "Kinda like that layout change I caught you formatting last week."

Facebook: "Shut it! Myspace is comin' in"

Myspace: "H3y GuYs! I 4m t3h c00lz!"

Twitter: "I am confused. I am hoping FB understands what Myspace said"

Facebook: "Myspace, bro, I asked you not to do that"

Myspace: "I d0n7 n33d y0uR cR4p, FB. I 4m t3h b35t!!!!1"

Twitter: "I am now asking FB why his little brother is acting so oddly"

Facebook: "He's been doing this for a while now. I don't know what happened. He used to be pretty popular too. But now…dang"

Myspace: "I 4m 57ILL t3h c00lz! My hUnDr3d5 0f 4dv3rTI53m3nT5 s4Y s0!"

(A scream roars in from off stage)

"YOUR NOT KOOL, YOU F#@%ING F@G!"

Facebook: "Oh great. Here he comes"

(An erratically dressed youth storms into the room, attempting to light a cigarette. He fails, and promptly glares at his fellows with a face smeared in black make-up)

Twitter: "Youtube just entered the room"

Youtube: "HEY F#$KERS WASSUP!"

Facebook: "Do you really need to do that?"

Youtube: "DO I REALLY NEED TO DO YOUR MOM? WHY YES, F@G!"

Twitter: "I am now remembering how offensive Youtube's comments usually are"

Google: "What's this shouting? Is there a problem here?"

Facebook: "Mr. Google!...uh actually, Sir, Youtube here was being quite obnoxious."

Google: "Reaaally? Well, well, Mr.Tube. I'm sure you remember last time you spoke out against my will."

Youtube: "SHUT THE F@#$ UP, YOU NAZI! THIS ARE CENSORSHIP MAN! HIS NOT MY FATHER!"

Google: "Don't make me search for ways to silence you, son. Cause I will, and I'm sure as hell feelin' lucky"

Youtube: "Noooo! LET DONT HIM TAKE ME YOU F@#$ERS! YOU GUYS SUCK A## JUST LIKE JEWS AND BLACKS AND GOD AND GRAMMAR!"

(Google drags Youtube off stage as the confused lad screams out a disturbing version of "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley)

Twitter: "Youtube has been taken away by Mister Google. He is probably in ‘maintenance mode’ right now"

Facebook: "Don't even joke about that, Tweet"

Myspace: "H3 h4d 1t c0m1nG. H3's s0 0ff mY t0P 31ghT"

Facebook: "I really doubt he cares, Myspace"

( Yet another student of IU stumbles into the room, having overheard the argument with Youtube and Google. This young man, however, is neatly dressed in a sweater vest and rounded glasses that easily compliment his abnormally circular head. He straightens his posture and addresses Facebook)

"Actually, statistics show that over 80 percent of MySpace friends feel the prestigious position of being among someone's 'top eight' is ‘truly something worth achieving.’ Tom Anderson, founder of Myspace, agrees with this sentiment, having been quoted several times defending the Top Friends mechanic in public”

Twitter: “I am now greeting Wikipedia”

Facebook: “Hey Wiki”

Wikipedia: “As I have previously stated several times prior to this incident, I do not appreciate the moniker ‘Wiki’ as that distorts my otherwise pristinely professional persona ninja turtle”

Myspace: “Wh4T?”

Facebook: “Wiki have you been messin’ with the editing again?”

Wikipedia: “I utilize the editing portion of my abilities only when required, as I serve as both a resource and a tool to all the strippers that landed on Venus yesterday”

Facebook: D@##it, he’s back on the horse. You told us you’d stop that crap, Wiki. Remember last time? You nearly failed outta English because you insisted that Thoreau was an undead Power Ranger.

Twitter: “I am recalling a memory of Wikipedia also failing Philosophy because he refused to take a stand on anything being discussed”

Wikipedia: “I am an unbiased person, Twitter, unlike Paris Hilton, who was in my bed last night with a rubber frying pan.”

Myspace: “M4n, tH1s 3d1TinG 5TufF 50unD5 4w350mE.”

Facebook: “Myspace, so help me…..listen, Wiki, we need to know where you got this stuff. Who’s your supplier?”

Wikipedia: “My supplier is Aaron Carter, the last samurai of Whales. Reference needed!”

Twitter: “I am starting to believe this is hopeless”

Facebook: “Hold on everyone.” (Facebook runs into the hall) “Hey! Hey, Mr. Google!”

Myspace: “d4nG 1t wHy’5 h3 g0T T0 g3T g00gl3 b4Ck 1n H3r3. 1 w45 jU5t 4b0uT t0 p05T s0m3 N4UghTy P1x!”

Twitter: “I have lost my appetite”

( Facebook re-enters with Mr. Google close behind )

Facebook: “See, sir? I don’t know what else there is to do. He can’t tell us where he got it”

Google: “Mr. Wikipedia, what is my name?”

Wikipedia: “The Sun is widely considered the largest sumo in the galaxy, though James’ mom would have to come close”

Google: “This is worse than I thought. You did a good thing coming to me, Mr. Facebook. Your actions get more than a few Likes from me.”

Facebook: “What about the supplier?”

Google: “Oh don’t worry about that. I’ve got him this time. This time, Ebay’s goin’ down hard”

mathematics and taciturn logic.

2009-08-29T22:31:00.000+08:00

The Square Root of 3 by Dave Feinberg

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

littlest things.

2009-08-23T03:01:00.006+08:00

all my singing so far. have fun listening/laughing/snoozing.
enjoy ;)

a series of unfortunate events.

2009-08-17T21:20:00.001+08:00

my own version of A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS.
1. i woke up late.
2. i forgot my wallet = i forgot my friday mc = A HO almost gave me detention.
3. i brought my contacts container without the lens.
4. i didn't bring my pencil case.
5. i wasn't able to find my foolscap even though it was actually inside my bag the whole freaking time.
6. i was talking nonsense during school hours (actually that's quite normal).
7. i can't do a shit during chem tutorial. maybe that's due to my stupidity.
8. i just realized my physics teacher thinks i'm a spaz.
9. and my seatmate thinks i'm a typical bimbo.
10. and it's considered normal for my friends to think i'm retarded.

it's a good thing i didn't go into the wrong class/wrong toilet again. that would made my day.

anyway KIM KIBUM IS SO BLOODY CUTE. love him love him.

and this is me when i'm homesick.

it hurts like hell.

2009-08-14T01:49:00.005+08:00

i spent 30 minutes in the middle of the night crying over my gastric pain. do you believe if i tell you that crying kinda made feel better? anyhow, i just finished shedding tears to relieve the ache. it still hurts a bit, but now i can bend and lie down properly. what i felt was a mixture of the urge to puke and burp. it might sound funny but it felt really terrible. so yeah i guess i'm gonna skip econs test. but what about my econs essay that i've work on so hard. dammit. i shouldn't have wasted my time working on it so hard. so yeah should go doctor tomorrow. hopefully would feel better enough to shop with my dear kinshi ;) i missed her so much ♥ i think i should give the stupid essay to someone. urgh, if i stand i'll be like bombarded by the pain again. argh. i should have drank the stupid red bull.
anw at school yesterday, me jocelyn and yiting were looking at the crooked koi at the pond. it's so pitiful, its bode is really bent. then suddenly we realize there's a dragonfly flying towards us. me and jocelyn were like 'AHH' but yiting approach the stupid dragonfly and she realized that the dragonfly is pink. whole body pink with different shade of pink on its wings. jocelyn and i were like 'SO CUTEEE' since we both like pink. our motto is, as long as it's pink it'll surely be cute. even if it's a cockroach. and we started to talk about genetically modified cockroach and how to breed them in many shades of pink. i know it sounds retarded, but in today's technologically advanced society anything is possible. moreover, it is already proven that modifying genes is feasible.
i'm going to try to sleep now.

RANDOMIZER.

2009-08-11T13:31:00.004+08:00

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom
Man made up a story said that I should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But I don't want the next best thing
So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love

there are a few things that i want to tell you all.
1. arnott's CHEDS IS SO BLOODY GOOD.
2. i totally recommend skip beat.
3. after watching so you think you can dance season 4, i still think season 5 has better choreographers. and JEANINE STILL THE BEST.
4. my search of Scarlett's quote in G.I. Joe is totally fruitless.
5. i currently have 2 stupid pimples.

another random facts.
1. Joe's underwater sharks look like gigantic sperms to me and jas.
2. my butt crack is acting weird.
3. i can't sleep after 12.
4. my pimples are distracting me.
5. my friends told me i look like a prostitute when i wear leather jacket.

i guess that's all for now. i'm supposed to be sleeping since that's the main reason why i'm skipping my chemistry enrichment program. darn it.

hell yeah i'm a closet cynic.

2009-08-08T23:38:00.000+08:00

Objective: Are you mean and sarcastic? Have you ever answered people ‘meanly’ and sarcastically? If yes, show us how mean and sarcastic you are! If no, then you should try at least once in your life with this note.

Rule: Respond to these as sarcastic/mean as you can.
(YR stands for Your Response.)

If an annoying person says:

1) I am cute..
YR: is that supposed to be a joke?

2) I am the most beautiful/handsome..
YR: yeah, even your mirror hates you. see it cracked.

3) See, everyone likes me because I am rich and famous!
YR: and they also hate you for the same reason.

4) Unlike you, I am perfectly multi-skilled. I do everything very well from sports to academic thingy..
YR: unlike you, i don't friggin care.

5) You don’t know me? I am Bruneian artist; I have albums.
YR: yeah photo albums.

If an annoying pretty woman/handsome guy says:

1) I know you like me.
YR: i know i don't.

2) What are you looking at? I am not interested in you!
YR: don't worry, the feeling is mutual.

3) Sorry, you are nice but seriously not my type!
YR: thanks, you are NOT nice and seriously not my type.

4) UNLESS you are rich, then don’t dream that I will get a ride with you!
YR: i guess i'll stay poor then. i can't take nightmares u know.

5) Look, I am pretty/handsome; I can make people hate you!
YR: but they'll still hate you more.

If an annoying extremely ugly woman/man says:

1) I think you and I can make a good couple.
YR: and i think you should get a life.

2) May I have your cell phone number, please please please pleaseeeee?
YR: could you just leave me alone, please please please pleaseeeee?

3) Hi, wanna hang out? I want you to be with me the whole night..
YR: no thanks, i'd rather hang myself.

4) What do you like about me?
YR: i like it when you get out of my face.

5) I want you to say that I am pretty/handsome and you like me sooooo much!
YR: sorry, i don't lie.

If your enemy says:

1) Hi bitch!
YR: are you talking to me?

2) You smell like shit!
YR: sorry, i kinda borrowed your perfume just now.

3) I know you hate me because I am much better than you!
YR: better at losing that is.

4) What an ugly creature you are!
YR: too bad you're uglier than me.

5) I am going to kick your ass in this race for sure!
YR: dream on bitch.

If your annoying ex says:

1) I still love you...
YR: and i still don't.

2) I know you still love me!
YR: i know you're still dreaming!

3) Please, go back with me honey/hubby..
YR: please, go away from me dear.

4) Please call me...
YR: yeah right, like that would happen.

If an annoying salesperson says:

1) Wow! You are so pretty/handsome!
YR: Wow! You are so annoying!

2) Seriously, I used this product and look at me, I am changed!
YR: you were more horrendous than this? gasp.

3) We are giving a discount up to 50%!
YR: sorry, my trash can can't hold more items right now.

4) This one is good sir/madam. Buy sir/madam, buy..
YR: bye sir/madam, bye.

5) That product is not good; it causes pimples all over your face.
YR: i can see that clearly on you face.

another bunk.

2009-08-07T11:01:00.003+08:00

Well all I really wanna do is to love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

yes puberty sucks big time.

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

2009-08-06T02:07:00.003+08:00

touche. i just love jeanine. she's the same age as me, can you believe it? she's uber awesome.

nonsensical gibberish.

2009-08-03T23:41:00.005+08:00

I need some sleep
It can't go on like this
I tried counting sheep
But there's one I always miss

lately i've been unable to sleep properly. sometimes i'd sleep very early to avoid this, however i'd also wake up EARLIER, like about 3AM. yes, i might have insomnia. i can't sleep when my roommate slept before me and the lights are already off. even though i am well equipped with bright night lights, it still doesn't help my serious problem. it's either i sleep very little, or no sleep at all. anw nowadays i'm totally in love with bleach and waiting every single week for friday to come ;) here's the chibi version of hitsugaya toushirou.
and here is my chibi version of capt. hitsugaya after a proper haircut.
okay, since long long long time ago i always wanted a headphone. i think it'd look cool and stylish to have one. LOL. but now i am really IN GRAVE NEED TO BUY ONE. so yeah searched for it and desired this one.
or maybe this one.
but i can't find the first one (they said ran out of stock) and can't afford the second one. so i ended up with my first love (yeah my love of headphones started with her)
since my photo taking skill sucks like shit, so here goes google to the rescue. i called her rose ♥. (yeah i really need to stop interacting with inanimate objects. this habit of mine also creeps me out.)
anw this headphone is uber cool. it's comfortable, cute and can be used as a substitute speaker since my laptop's speaker is literally dead now.
anw it's tyas's birthday. i'm dead tired and sleepy.
sorry, better luck next time.
gonna congratulate you tomorrow with loads of donuts and fake psp. good night.

my kind of boy ♥

2009-07-28T13:29:00.003+08:00

i can't lie, i love good-looking guys.

i think smart guys are sexy.

age doesn't matter much.
all i need is maturity.

i want a tall guy, about 1.75-1.85.
he should be tall enough to make me feel safe when he hugs me
but short enough to kiss me.

funny guy turns me on.

i neither desire or abhor piercings.
ears should be fine, other than that... let me think about it.

he obviously needs to accept me for who i am.

i like dark haired guys. they look so manly.

there's a definite limit to mushiness a girl like me can take.
love letter and poems are charming,
but all of it will be trash when it's too much for me to handle.

fit guys with average body size should be enough.
chubby cheeks with dimples would be another plus.

i like fair guys, but i'm cool with tan.

short hair is a must.
how am i suppose to date someone that looks like a girl from behind?

i need to like his smell.

i don't mind if he WAS a smoker.
no way in hell i'll let the love of my life died of lung cancer.

as long as he is not an avid drinker, i'm alright

muscular is okay as long as he doesn't look like a frog.

i love musician. & i have a fetish for drummers.
my secret fantasy is for a guy to sing me to sleep.
it would be better if he also wrote a song about me.

no vain please.

nerdy looking guys are awesome.
especially if they are truly intelligent
and like to read the same kind of books as i do.
but no braces please.

my boy should be brave and active.
he can't expect me to take the first initiative, no way in hell.

knows when to rebel and when not to.

i don't like playboys/act-like-a-playboy.
even though i like playful flirtatious guys.
but please, when you're mine do it to me and only me.

one must know when to be serious when not to.

artist entices me.

i'm not a religious person even though i have a religion.
so non extremist please.

Someone who likes to tease people, and knows when to stop.

i don't care if he's a geek/freak.
when i'm his numero uno, i'm ok with his little obsession.

the power of language enthralls me.

loyal and faithful is a must.

i'd like him to sweep me off my feet when he kisses me.

he must love children.

i hate facial hairs.

food craze.

2009-07-25T16:10:00.005+08:00

okay, now i'm here to share some of my love of food.

instant noodle + cheese
basically you put in the cut up cheese at the same time when you put the seasonings. that way the cheese will melt and mix with the soup. you can add bacon too ;)

egg + cheese + instant noodle seasonings + instant noodle
don't put too much instant noodle. basically it's like omelette with noodles inside.

french fries + ice cream
thank you fast food chains.

rice + grated cheese + beef floss
you just mix three of them together.

fresh milk + powdered milo
shake it well. it tastes better than milo dinosaur.

FIN.

secret cravings.

2009-07-16T14:33:00.005+08:00

hello again.

2009-07-14T16:42:00.003+08:00

I will never be, I will never be tall, no
And I will never be, never ever be sure of it all
Oh, why is the world so cruel to me
When all, all I ever want to be is anything I'm not

I will never be, I will never be you, no
I will always be, I will always be me, that I know
But oh, even though I'm happy being me
I want to get away from all this

harsh reality

, oh

Gimme a break, a little escape
I am so tired of being me
I wanna be free, I wanna be new and different
Anything I'm not

long time never blog. now i have a TWITTER, BLIP and YOUTUBE account. i had PLURK before, but it didn't engage me as well as twitter did. as for youtube. you might say I NEED A MEDIUM TO CHANNEL MY LOVE TOWARDS SINGING. ahaha ;D i still feel embarrassed about my singing since it's not really that good or anything. but i think posting it on youtube kinda test out my confidence and i get loads of feedbacks and stuff. nonetheless, mass watching those videos in class during student development period is still TOO DISTURBING. and they made fun of my channel's name. ok i admit it is retarded, but i can't think of any other name... ARITAROCKSBIGTIME, what's wrong with that. oh wells, that way it's easier for them to remember ;) and their reaction kinda boost my self esteem a little. i mean they didn't jeer or laugh or anything. i'm happy enough. looking forward to feedbacks and requests though. i can't wait to work on the next video. NEED TO MEMORIZE HURT AND IF I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU AND JM'S SONG. and still going to perfect-ing "i will fly", "bunda", "merindukanmu". ohh and need to start working greatest love of all and reflection. i still have no "power" song in my channel, so sad >.< urgh need to study now, catching up on loads of topics and undo my U's ;)

birthday girl.

2009-04-29T00:45:00.005+08:00

Once in every 365 days of the year.

I want to wish myself happy birthday.

last count
FACEBOOK: 111 wishes + 2 belateds
SMS: 24 wishes

addicted to polyvore.

2009-04-28T19:18:00.002+08:00

especially dedicated to my FAVORITE COLOURS ;DD pink and black. gosh tomorrow have physics spa... die >.< going to study soon ;DD and... AM GONNA BE BIRTHDAY GIRL TOMORROW ;DD ahaha. that's a gentle reminder to y'all.

POLYVORE, LIVINGSOCIAL AND RESTAURANT CITY

2009-04-25T20:54:00.005+08:00

POLYVORE ROCKS, hate it. too much stuff to-die-for, too expensive. argh.
3.1 Phillip Lim Off-the-shoulder dress - NET-A-PORTER.COM -227.66 GBP
Christian Louboutin Mary-Jane 120 platforms -$995.00
THERE IS NO WAY I CAN AFFORD THAT. anw, still need to do physics mind map. I'M ADDICTED TO RESTAURANT CITY. now kinda neglects ROCK LEGENDS. i forgot to write, there's this one time when i fell out of my chair in class. i was rocking my chair and the chair toppled backwards. everyone's reaction was... SLOW. but they laugh anw. i feel so retarded. lately i've been worshipping ballerina style and NEON COLOURS!! loads of tulle, ivory, mary-janes, lime green, hot pink, etc etc. i really need those kind of clothes in real life... but i'm like totally broke right now. nvm, NEXT WEEK FAMILY IS COMING. happily anticipating. beaming beaming flashing dimming POP. anw, 4 days to THE DAY. awesome...

this is a cheesy post.

2009-04-24T21:49:00.003+08:00

CASUAL NEON. by littlerandomgirl featuring Kirra sunglasses

this is all because of that cheesy manga. the title is eternity. "Everytime I think of you, that's when i feel eternity." when i read that i suddenly remembered a poem my senior messaged me 3 years ago. since my phone then is now non-existant, i vaguely recalled that i wrote it down on my diary. since i found it, i decided to typed it here ;D

if only time is non-existent, there will be no tomorrow, no today, no yesterday.
no definite boundaries of how fast and slow one movement is.
no explanation of what a day is, was, or going to be.
there will be unlimited time to talk.
eternity will be how long i stare at your face blankly.
eternity will be how long i spent to type messages.
eternity will be how long i waited.
for you.
for you all are the gems of my life, which made it colorful.
for it, i am grateful.

damn, i need a new diary.

should i smile because we are friends,
or cry because i know that is what we will ever be?

bored.

2009-04-14T18:55:00.001+08:00

nautical french. by littlerandomgirl featuring French Connection t-shirts

A man of words and not of deeds
Is like a garden full of weeds,
And when the weeds begin to grow,
Its like a garden full of snow.
And when the snow begins to fall,
Its like a bird upon the wall,
And when the bird away does fly,
Its like an eagle in the sky.
And when the sky begins to roar,
Its like a lion at the door.
And when the door begins to crack,
Its like a stick across your back,
And when your back begins to smart,
Its like a penknife in your heart,
And when your heart begins to bleed,
You're dead, and dead, and dead indeed.

hoppity hop.

2009-04-10T03:37:00.003+08:00

people said rabbits will die when they feel lonely.
i guess, that makes me some sort of a rabbit.

HEIDI HONEYCOMB.

2009-04-08T17:36:00.002+08:00

MUST SEE: GREEN GOSSIP, GREEN PORNO

2nd RUNNER UP.

2009-04-05T10:40:00.007+08:00

REHEARSALS.

RIVALS. LOL ;D
MINUTES TO FAME.
the dreaded place.
MY POSTER which was stolen by ...

ME AND MY SEXY VOTING REP.
FAME 2009!!
THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL.
REFLECTION.
BOUQUET SURPRISE!!
by Putu, Kemal, Rahardhi, Laird, Steven, Vincent, Andika.
Thanks for betraying OLDHAM for me, lols. 15MB ROCKS OUT LOUD!!
AND THE CHAMPION IS: DAVID CHEN!! the pooh so cute ;DFLOWERS.
MY AWESOME FRIENDS ;D

yesterday was AWESOME!! even though i almost freeze to death on the stage, the overall performances of all the contestants were AMAZING. the freezing part was worth it. ppl, THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING ME ;D. without all of you i won't be what i am today >.< LOLS. can't upload photos yet, for some unknown reason they didn't allow ppl to take photos during the performance. saddd. anw, i'm just glad it's over with a BLAST.

LOADS OF LOVE, tiara.

i'm a believer.

2009-04-01T15:17:00.005+08:00

Thanks to Antoine-Laurent Lavoisier, we won't need to refer oxygen as 'dephlogisticated air'.

"Allah has a body, defined, broad, high and long, of equal dimensions, radiating with light, of a broad measure in its three dimensions, in a place beyond place, like a bar of pure metal, shining as a round pearl on all sides, provided with color, taste, smell and touch." -Hisham ibn Hakim

Do you ever question the existence of God? Well I did. Presently, in today's globalized world, technology and science almost fill the gap of God's presence. Now, we could even design our own babies with the help of medical advancements. So, maybe a few years along the line, my grandchild might ask who created humans. "It used to be God's job, but now it's the scientists, dear." What a joke.

It all started with the BIG BANG theory. Before, people would reason everything based on God or whatever their faith is. Now, as humans level of curiosity increases, they start to ask why and investigate stuff. Maybe, i should say they real start is the discovery of fire. Oh well, anyway, since now people found answers to their questions through science and knowledge, how does God fit in those theories? They never mention God in the theory of gravitation. It's all about speed, mass, particles and acceleration. It applies as well in the Big Bang theory. This contradicts the believe that God created us all and everything in the world/galaxy/something bigger than galaxy/universe. What about Darwin's theory of evolution? If someday someone finds the missing link, would we still believe that we are the descendants of Adam and Eve? Maybe not anymore. What would happen to God?

read this: CAN SCIENCE PROVE THE EXISTENCE OF GOD?

Sometimes i thought that every religion branched out from similar values and believes. That we must do good to others and abstain from acting unjustly. Furthermore, monotheist religions describe their Gods in almost similar pattern. Take example Islam and Catholic. Their history includes similar names and similar holy books. Or maybe even the same ones. We would never know. Based on the book A HISTORY OF GOD by KAREN ARMSTRONG, the earliest religion is Judaism, followed by Christianity and Islam. Are those religions actually the same ones but take up different forms in different regions? From what i read, those religions sort of adapted with the previous paganism believes and slowly change it to what we know today. So, which one is the true religion? That's the mystery. But we know they all believe in the existence of God.

I did come to a conclusion that God is something that humans created to explain the various bizarre occurrences in their life. Or maybe, humans need something to believe in, they need faith to make their heart and determination stronger. Sometimes, after one prays, they become more confident in what they do since they believe that they are not alone. I dunno, that's just what i think if this issue. But that doesn't mean i don't believe in God. I'm a Muslim and proud of it, but i believe i have the right to question my sanity and believes in order to achieve greater level of understanding and maximum clarity in what i am working towards to. Heaven or hell, does it even exists? Well, frankly, maybe hell does exist. hha, if you know what i mean.

While we rethink about our faith, lets review the last screwed up rehearsal.PLEASE DO COME AND SUPPORT ME ;D

Saturday, 4th April 2009 1800h
ACS (Independent) Campus, Centre for Performing Arts

sorry if i'm too retarded for you to handle.

2009-03-27T14:25:00.003+08:00

How retarded am i?

You have yelled at an inanimate object for 'hurting' you.
-> it's their fault for being there dammit.

You have ran into a glass/screen door.
-> they're just too transparent.

You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
-> i thot it already stopped.

You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.
-> well, i can't help laughing if it's funny rite ;D

You have ran into a tree/bush.
-> they blend well with nature.

You have been called a "blonde".
-> does bimbo counts?

You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
-> i think so.

You just tried to lick your elbow.
-> my tongue too short.

You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm.
-> seriously?

You sang them to make sure.
-> COOL, IT'S TRUE!

You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.
-> the last time i fell down during cross country was because of this. stupid foot, always blocking my way.

You have choked on your own spit.
-> i swallowed too fast.

You have accidentally caught something on fire.

You have caught yourself drooling.
-> i was half-sleep. come on.

You have fallen asleep in class.
-> isn't that normal?

Sometimes you just stop thinking.
-> like 'blanked' rite? i did a few times i think.

Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you were talking about.
-> cos sometimes there are bothersome interruptions.

People often shake their heads and walk away from you.
-> they just don't get me.

You use your fingers to do simple math.
-> must use fingers to full capacity ;D

You have eaten a bug accidentally.
-> it was swimming happily in my drink. idiot.

You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
-> homeworks and singing practice.

You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
-> it looks oddly the same.

You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time.
-> i think got something wrong with my nerves.

You break a lot of things.
-> accidents happen rite ;D

You tilt your head when you're confused
-> sometimes.

You have fallen out of your chair before.
-> i was playing with it.

When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.
-> i'm bored and trying very hard to sleep lah.

The word "um" is used many times a day.
-> then what other word should i use?

You don't know what "um" means.
-> have meaning?

You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
-> i'm partially deaf.

You used a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.
-> my fingers not enough ;p

departure overture.

2009-03-24T16:33:00.006+08:00

I love libraries.
I love kinokuniya, borders, harris, gramedia and all other bookstores in the world.
Most of all, I love the smell of a new book.

Habent sua fata libelli, Books have their destinies. -Terentianus Maurus

The word book comes from Old English "bōc" which comes from Germanic root "*bōk-", cognate to beech. Similarly, in Slavic languages (e.g. Russian and Bulgarian "буква" (bukva)—"letter") is cognate to "beech". It is thus conjectured that the earliest Indo-European writings may have been carved on beech wood.

Books can really be entertaining. It challenges your mind and enhances your creativity. Especially novels and such, they’re just awesome. Whenever I started reading something, I’ll really get into it. I can’t stop and nobody can distract me, especially if I really like the book. It’s as if I’m in my own world, my world of imagination based on the book’s storyline. I even made a book once when I was still in primary 2. It’s just some funny drawings and very simple storyline. Anyway, I tried to write about mysteries and detectives, but since I have had problems in expressing my thoughts verbally/literally, it’s kind of hard for me to become a writer. So I imagine storylines for fun without really writing it ;D I was all pumped up to write during primary 5 to junior high 1. But all swell. I spent my spare time during my primary years mostly to read, until my parents got tv cable. Then I watch more useless cartoons rather than reading comics about famous people. The older I get, the less time I spent reading, especially after I moved to this darned place. Even when I like the book, once I stopped reading, I’ll be too lazy to pick it up again. I still haven’t finished THE HISTORY OF GOD by Karen Armstrong and THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA by Ernest Hemingway and THE WORLD IS FLAT by Thomas L. Friedman.

In all, I promote GREATER LITERACY RATE around the world. How could a person live normally in today’s globalized world without being able to read? It’s like a blind man who actually can see. Some 862 million adults are illiterate in the world. This represented a reduction of about 2 per cent over the decade. A further reduction of around 7 per cent is expected by 2015. At present, almost half of the world’s illiterates live in South and West Asia. Their numbers are still increasing, and mainly reflect the situation of Bangladesh, India and Pakistan. However, the number of illiterates in China fell by 22 per cent between 1990 and 2000. Owing to an expected further fall of around 43 per cent by 2015, it is expected that, by that date, sub-Saharan Africa will have more illiterates among its population than East Asia and the Pacific. Crazy isn’t it. Personally, I feel those people who can read but never read a book in their whole entire live deserve the same credit as those illiterate people at Africa. Sorry, no offense.

10 REASONS TO READ.
1. Reading is an active mental process: Unlike sitting in front of the idiot box (TV), reading makes you use your brain. While reading you would be forced to reason out many things which are unfamiliar to you. In this process you would use the grey cells of your brain to think and become smarter.
2. Reading improves your vocabulary: Remember in elementary school when you learned how to infer the meaning of one word by reading the context of the other words in the sentence? You get the same benefit from book reading. While reading books, especially challenging ones, you will find yourself exposed to many new words you wouldn’t be otherwise.
3. Gives you a glimpse into other cultures and places of the world: How would you know about the life of people in Mexico if you don’t read about it? Reading gives you an insight into the diversity of ethnicity of people, their customs, their lifestyles etc. You become more aware about the different places and the code of conduct in those places.
4. Improves concentration and focus: It requires you to focus on what you are reading for long periods. Unlike magazines, Internet posts or e-Mails that might contain small chunks of information, books tell the whole story. Since you must concentrate in order to read, like a muscle, you will get better at concentration.
5. Builds self-esteem: The more you read, the more knowledgeable you become. With more knowledge comes more confidence. More confidence builds self-esteem. So it’s a chain reaction. Since you are so well read, people look to you for answers. Your feelings about yourself can only get better.
6. Improves memory: Many studies show if you don’t use your memory, you lose it. Crossword puzzles are an example of a word game that staves off Alzheimer’s. Reading, although not a game, helps you stretch your memory muscles in a similar way. Reading requires remembering details, facts and figures and in literature, plot lines, themes and characters.
7. Improves your discipline: Making time to read is something we all know we should do, but who schedules book reading time every day? Very few… That’s why adding book reading to your daily schedule and sticking to it, improves discipline.
8. Improves creativity: Reading about diversity of life and exposing yourself to new ideas and more information helps to develop the creative side of the brain as it imbibes innovation into your thinking process.
9. You always have something to talk about: Have you ever found yourself in an embarrassing situation where you didn’t have anything to talk about? Did you hate yourself for making a fool of yourself? Do you want a remedy for this? It’s simple. Start reading. Reading widens your horizon of information. You’ll always have something to talk about. You can discuss various plots in the novels you read, you can discuss the stuff you are learning in the business books you are reading as well. The possibilities of sharing become endless.
10. Reduces boredom: One of the rules I have is if I am feeling bored, I will pick up a book and start reading. What I’ve found by sticking to this is that I become interested in the book’s subject and stop being bored. I mean, if you’re bored anyway, you might as well be reading a good book, right?

FUN FACTS ABOUT BOOKS.
Bestselling books that got rejected - a lot - before they made history:
Dune by Frank Herbert
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by J.K. Rowling
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank
The Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrice Potter

Books that were conceived and/or penned behind bars:
De Profundis by Oscar Wilde
Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan
The Prince by Machiavelli

Books that spawned sequels - a lot of them and by different writers:
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Books of a kind. Literally. Aka only children:
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Books with less than inspired working titles:
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens ("Mag's Diversions")
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell ("Ba! Ba! Black Sheep")
Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence ("John Thomas and Lady Jane")
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen ("First Impressions")
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (“Incident at West Egg”)
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy (“All’s Well that Ends Well”)

Three is a charm:
Three Blind Mice and Other Stories by Agatha Christie
Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome
Three Men on the Bummel by Jerome K. Jerome
The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas (Senior)
The Three Sisters by Anton Chekhov

MY PERSONAL FAVOURITES.
And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie
Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy by Ally Carter
Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
Velocity by Dean Koontz
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J. K. Rowling
Arsene Lupin by Maurice Leblanc
Avalon High by Meg Cabot
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
Totto-Chan: The Little Girl at the Window by Tetsuko Kuroyanagi

cause SUNdays are meant to SHINE.

shirt - zara . jacket - bebe . necklace - meita's . skirt - i.p.zone . opaque - n.y.l.a . shoes - converse

school blues.

2009-03-23T15:50:00.007+08:00

I didn’t come to school today. Read the last blog, go figure. I cried my hearts out and slept for approximately 3 hours. Played BROOKETOWN HIGH to soothe my homesick-ness. Got slight fever, slight cold, gastric problems and puffy red eyes. I HATE SCHOOL.
Did you know, school dampens our creativity and imagination? It restricts our potential and shapes our minds to fit into the so called ‘society’. Did you know that most famous scientists and millionaires don’t really go to school? They’re either drop-outs or gone case. Take account Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, or even Bill Gates. Bill Gates dropped out while Newton and Einstein were called dumb for their out of this world questions. Why does the apple fall down not up? With this ‘dumb’ question, Newton managed to come up with Newton’s law of gravitation. Remember ‘eureka!’? It’s similar, but Newton found the answer under a tree while Archimedes in his bathtub probably while playing with his rubber-ducky. Does school teach us to come up with that kind of ideas and imagination? Maybe.
Furthermore, you cannot survive solely on your degrees and testimonials. They aren’t a very good judge of your nature and intelligence. I found smart people, who have troubles socializing because they put too much effort in their studies during their early years, now struggling to find a better job than those who put less effort. What’s the point of getting good grades if you don’t have a life? Won’t you eventually turn into mindless zombies?
I feel that scholars are pressured into doing nothing but studying. Living a ‘no life’ life. Why not just make it literal instead? It’s like choosing between a long-term torture or a short pain. Education shaped humans to become people that can be accepted in the society. Meaning = MEDIOCRE. We must explore our own minds and abilities to reach a higher level than those around us.
I don’t think school teaches us this kind of thing, those things that we really need. They’re just providing the basics, which sometimes doesn’t have any relevance in our later life and outdated. I still can’t imagine how I used to love school until I cried when I can’t come to school because my car got problem. Bizarre. Oh wells, I got MC for today and PE excuse for tomorrow ;D

cause i took this photo after common tests.

awesome stuff: poladroid.net

it's nothing.

2009-03-22T20:28:00.003+08:00

hey someone. anyone.
i can't sleep. i can't eat.
and i can't stop my tears from flowing.
i'm tired of everything.
i'm scared, tell me what's wrong with me.

midnight rambling.

2009-03-22T01:57:00.002+08:00

Today was super awful. I slept through the morning and ate lunch outside just to found my house flooded when I got back. The funny thing is, the flood is on the 2nd floor. My perfectly arranged shirt-dress combination is drenched with water. Damn you rain!! Ok back to topic. Do you get me when I said dads can be so annoying in many (I really mean MANY, sometimes even more than MANY, I just can’t find the right word.) different ways.

1. He over reacts when you say some guy is cute or you just checking some random guy out. Even though you did it for fun or out of enjoyment. He would still have the ‘boys talk’ with for approximately an hour, about how you shouldn’t judge a guy by his looks. Even though you CLEARLY know that since he keeps repeating the same point for EVERY TALK. The same goes for gossiping and commenting someone else. Puh-lease, it’s just a random talk. Chill.

2. He complaints about how you keep reading the same book over and over again but refuse to buy a new book for you. The same goes for clothes and other stuff.

3. How he could make the same mistakes repeatedly and blame others for it/get away with it. While still nagging/getting angry/mad/shouting at you for doing the EXACTLY SAME MISTAKES. It’s like the seniors-juniors rule, rule number one, seniors never wrong. If seniors are wrong, please refer to number one. He said he could get away with it because he’s older and he already went through ‘my time’, so now it’s his time where he could get away with everything he did. Uh hello, that’s like TOTALLY UNFAIR.

4. Total egocentric plus temper overload. Can’t lose in an argument, talk before think, thinks he’s always right since he’s the ‘leader’ in the family. If he clearly is in the wrong, he’ll just say ‘oh so now you think you’re so smart issit?’ Vain much.

5. He can’t put himself in the shoes of others. This one not most of the time, just sometimes when he acts totally like a jerk.

I think those five only apply to one certain dad. But anyway, I still think that he’s the best dad ever!! He’s super funny and super nice most of the time. But he absolutely has TEMPER PROBLEMS. He’ll get angry first before he thinks. That’s his biggest problem so far. He is still THE MOST AWESOME DAD EVER. Last time I randomly commented how I never had a normal sized bike, then he bought me the bike (very nice and expensive too) plus the helmet and the shorts. Just because of that silly little comment. I’m touched. YOU GO DAD!! I’ll always be you’re little (random) girl ;D

daddy's little (random) girl.

dress - zara . sweater - dorothy perkins . shoes - converse . red opaque - nyla . hat - accesorize

architecture.

2009-03-21T09:31:00.006+08:00

don't you think it's cool for people to make such complex shapes and structures from simple ones. it all started with a circle and a polygon, be it triangle or a square. it's just a matter of arranging them. did u know triangle supports structures? well anyway i like minimalist style, modern kind. i dunno why. next time shall upload the photos. not now. i went to this architecture exhibition on saturday, it was surprisingly interesting. now i know more about many other building materials. well anw i found this interesting article on the internet about how architecture can be sexist. intriguing isn't it.

“All art is erotic.” - Adolph Loos.
many architecture building designs resemble the phallus, a symbol of power, a display of might. skyscrapers and towers are the examples of those building that resembles the phallus, male organ of procreation.can see the resemblances? it's florida state capitol building. well anyway do you know monas in jakarta? it represents both sexes. the base is the woman part while the other part is the phallus. i knew this when i visited a meseum of indonesian artifacts, mostly those from borobudur and prambanan. the tour guide explained the representation of the small statues that adorned the place everywhere. it strucked me how pornography even exists in a museum of artifacts. next time i'll try to make a building based on the women's womb. don't ever underestimate GIRL POWER. lols.

cause i'm going to some architecture exhibition.

top - zara . pants - rock and republic . belt - esprit . sash - thrift store . headbands - evita peron

friday i'm in love.

2009-03-20T10:08:00.003+08:00

talking about love, i once heard that the most romantic being are spiders. they fight to mate the female just to face death in the end. they said the female ate the male in process or after the mating process. that is sad. well so i want to include some interesting facts about animal love. i am so not posting the pictures. they are DISGUSTING. yucks! pls check the photos urself @ http://www.neatorama.com/2007/04/30/30-strangest-animal-mating-habits/. oh wells, for the sake of knowledge. here it goes.

Honey Bee: Exploding Testicles.

A queen is selectively bred in a special "queen cell" in the hive and fed royal jelly by worker bees to induce her to become sexually mature.

A virgin queen that survives to adulthood without being killed by her rivals will take a mating flight with a dozen or so male drones (out of tens of thousands eligible bachelors in the colony). But don’t call these drones lucky because during mating, their genitals explode and snap off inside the queen!

Strange as it is, this actually makes evolutionary sense: the snapped-off penis acts as a genital plug to prevent other drones from fertilizing the queen. But tell that to the dead drone whose penis just exploded.

Bonobo: Make Love Not War

Bonobos use sex as greetings, a mean of solving disputes, making up for fights, and as a favors in exchange for food. They tongue kiss, engage in oral sex, mutual masturbations, have face-to-face genital sex and even have a strange "penis fencing" ritual!

In their 1996 book titled Demonic Males: Apes and the Origins of Human Violence, Richard Wrangham and Dale Peterson wrote:

"Chimpanzees and Bonobos both evolved from the same ancestor that gave rise to humans, and yet the Bonobo is one of the most peaceful, unaggressive species of mammals living on the earth today. They have evolved ways to reduce violence that permeate their entire society. They show us that the evolutionary dance of violence is not inexorable".

Flatworm: Make Love AND War.

Like all sea slugs, flatworms are hermaphrodites (they have both male and female sexual organs). In this case, the male organ turns out to be two dagger-like penises that they use to hunt as well as mate. During mating, two flatworms fight (i.e. "penis fence") to stab each other, while avoiding getting stabed.

The "loser" who gets stabbed will absorb the sperm through its skin and then scoots off to bear the burden of motherhood!

Frigatebird: Fanciful Big Red Balloon.

A male frigatebird has a throat sac that it can inflate with hard work - it takes over a period of twenty minutes - into a giant red, heart-shaped balloon. He then waggles his head from side to side, shakes his wings and calls the females to check him out.

A female frigatebird will mate with the male with the biggest and shiniest balloon. During sex, the male bird will sweetly put his wings over her eyes to make sure she doesn’t get distracted by other males with even nicer balloons!

Red-Sided Garter Snake: An Annual Mating Ball Orgy

Strange Fact 1. The annual mating of red-sided garter snakes is a tourist attraction in Manitoba, Canada. That’s because when a female garter snake emerges from hibernation, she releases a pheromone that attracts hundreds of male snakes in the vicinity to rush her and create a large squirming "mating ball."

Strange Fact 2. Like many snakes, the male garter snake has two penises, called "hemipenes," on each side of its body. The male will try to use the best-positioned penis to mate with the female in the center of the mating ball.

Strange Fact 3. There is a "she-male" snake who releases pheromones just like the females do (and fools hundreds of other males to pile up on him/her). Why? Scientists think that this gives the she-male warmth and protection (and attention, too, I’m sure).

The annual red-garter mating balls are a big tourist attraction in Manitoba—and a source of many tales. One unsuspecting couple built a house on top of an empty snake pit one summer, only to find their property swarmed by thousands of red-sided garters returning to their traditional hibernation den in the fall. The couple quickly relocated their new house.

Hyena: The Females Got Balls!

A female hyena has a pseudopenis, basically an enlarged clitoris, that they can erect at will. To mate, the meeker male has to insert his penis into her pseudopenis. That’s difficult for the males, but still nothing compared to the female having to give birth through a penis!

Biologist Laurence Frank describes something else that is strange about hyenas - the way they say hello to each other:

After being separated for a few hours, spotted hyenas engage in "greeting" displays that entail lifting their legs and exposing their erect pseudopenises for inspection. Subordinate females often initiate greetings and this is the only known case of an erection being a submissive gesture. "This unusual display is not without its risks [because] each hyena puts its reproductive organs in immediate proximity to very powerful jaws," says Frank. "On the rare occasions when the aggression escalates to fighting, the resulting damage may be severe enough to destroy or seriously compromise the reproductive competence of the injured party."

Giraffe: Not in Estrus? No Thanks!

When a male happens upon a female giraffe, he will perform a procedure known as the "fleshmen sequence" to see if she is in estrus. First, he nudges her rump to induce urination. He then takes a mouthful of urine. If it tastes good to him, then he begins to court her. The male giraffe basically follows her around until she gives in and lets him have her!

Emperor Penguin: Starvin’ for Love

Penguin couples spend their lives apart from each other and meet once a year in late March, after traveling as far as 70 miles (112 km) inland - on foot or sliding on their bellies! - to reach the breeding site.

Once there, penguins look for their mates by making a bugling call. Male penguins generally stay in one place, lower their head to their chest and call out to the females. Once they find one another, they would stand breast to breast, repeatedly bow to each other and sing (okay, “bugle”).

Now, onto the mating itself: Like in most birds, penguins have no external genitalia. That’s right, male penguins don’t have penises and the females don’t have vaginas. The male’s sperm is produced in the testes and stored in his cloaca (kind of an all purpose orifice for defecating, urinating, and reproduction). The female also has a cloaca that leads to the ovaries. The female penguin lies flat on the ground and the male penguin presses his cloaca onto hers and passes the sperms through.

Once the egg is laid, the female Emperor Penguin transfers it very carefully to her mate (if the egg touches the ice, it would freeze and die), who then keeps the egg warm by tucking it under a large fold of skin until it hatches. The female penguin immediately returns to the sea to feed, leaving the male without food for about two months. The male penguins would huddle together in large groups to conserve body heat in the cold and harsh environment, where winds can reach up to 120 mph (200 km per hour). When the female returns, she finds her mate (and chick) by listening to one particular bugle over thousands other.

When it was released, March of the Penguins sparked a controversy when the Christian right claimed it as a parable of monogamy amongst other things. Turns out, Emperor Penguins are serially monogamous – meaning that for that breeding season, they only have one mate. However, if they can’t find one another the next season (and most can’t – only about 15% of pairs find each other in subsequent year, and just 5% in the third year) they will choose new mates.

Dolphin: That’s Not His Hand.

Here’s something you probably don’t know about Flipper: he has retractable penis. And if that’s not cool enough, here’s something else: his penis is prehensile. And it swivels. In fact, a male dolphin can use his penis to explore objects just like a hand.

Male dolphins also have a very strong sex drive. It can mate many, many times in a day. Now here’s the bad news: male dolphins aren’t that much of a stud. The average time to ejaculation? 12 seconds.

Another hushed-up fact is that male dolphins have a ravenous sexual appetite: they often try to hump inanimate objects and even other animals like sea turtles. When a pack of male dolphins happen upon a female, often times they will attempt to force her to mate.

Percula Clownfish: Your Mommy Was Your Daddy.

In Disney’s animated movie Finding Nemo, the animators forgot to tell you one thing about clownfish: they can change gender!

Clownfish live in a group consisting of a breeding pair of male and female, as well as some non-breeding males. There is strict hierarchy based on size: the largest is the female, next largest is the male, and then the non-breeding males.

If the female dies (or gets fished, I suppose), the male will change sex and become the female! Then the largest of the non-breeding males will get a promotion to become the breeding male.

Galapagos Giant Tortoise: The Longest Neck Wins.

To determine who gets to mate, male Galapagos giant tortoises will rise on their legs and stretch their necks. The shorter tortoise will cry uncle and leave the taller, larger tortoise to mate.

The victor then proceeds to attract a female by bellowing and bobbing his head furiously. When he has found a mate, the male rams the female and nips her legs until she draws them in, thereby immobilizing her. He then proceeds to mount her.

Mating can last for hours, during which the male grunts and roars loudly (see video clip). If he seems terribly excited about the whole deal, that’s probably because he’s been waiting a long time for sex. See, it takes 40 years for Galapagos giant tortoises to reach sexual maturity.

Garden Snail: Love Darts

Snails’ genitals are on their necks, right behind their eye-stalks. Not weird enough? Read on.

Snails are hermaphrodites, meaning they have both male and female sexual organs, but they do not self-fertilize.

Before two snails mate, they shoot "love darts" made of calcium at each other. People used to think that these sharp darts are nutritional gifts, like you give someone you love a box of chocolate.

Scientists now think, however, that these darts serve a more sinister purpose. The mucus on the darts allow more sperms to be stored in the snail’s uterus (and thus helped it gain an edge in reproduction).

There’s no advantage to the target snail (getting hit may even be dangerous as snails are really, really bad shots). Indeed, snails jostle each other not only to get into a better position to fire their darts, but also to avoid getting hit themselves!

Porcupine: Wee Marks the Spot.

First of all, female porcupines are interested in sex only about 8 to 12 hours in a year! Second, to court a female during the short mating season, a male porcupine stands up on his hind legs, waddles up to her, and then sprays her with a huge stream of urine from as far as 6 feet away, and drench his would-be paramour from head to foot!

If the female wasn’t impressed, she’ll scream and shake off the urine. But, if she is ready, then she’ll rear up to expose her quill-less underbelly and let the male mount her from the behind (that’s the only safe position for porcupines!). Once mating begins, the female is insatiable: she forces the male to mate many times until he is thoroughly exhausted. If he gets tired too quickly, she will leave him for another male!

Red Velvet Mite: The Love Gardener

The male releases its sperms on small twigs or stalks in what scientists call the "love garden", then lays down an intricate silken trail to the spot. When a female stumbles upon this trail, she will follow it to seek out the "artist". If she likes his work, then she will sit on the sperm.

However, if another male spots the garden, he will trash it and lay his own instead!

Bowerbird: Obsessive Decorator of Bachelor Pad

To attract a mate, the male bowerbird [wiki] builds an amazingly complex structure called a bower. It is made of twigs and often shaped like a small hut.

The male bird then decorates his "bachelor pad" bower with a variety of objects as gifts: flowers, feathers, stones, and even bits of discarded plastics and glass. Hundreds of pieces are carefully arranged in monochromatic themes (i.e. all blue items). The bird is so anal that it will get really angry if you mess up its pile (say, by putting one differently colored pebble in its pile).

The male bowerbird spends hours sorting and arranging things. In fact, it will break its focus only to go to a different males’ bowers to steal stuff and mess the place up!

Don’t miss: David Attenborough on Bowerbird [YouTube]

Macaque: Sneaky Attackers

Male macaques will pay (in form of fruits) to get a peek at the hind quarters of a female macaque.

Actually, that’s not all: they will also pay to gaze at pictures of dominant "celebrity" monkeys (i.e. the high-ranking males) in their pack. Huh.

Anyways, if that isn’t enough bad behavior for you, think about this: macaque males will attack their enemy when he is at his weakest: during orgasm.

Attackers often use considerable cunning to get near their victim without arousing any suspicion. They may feign indifference by barely glancing at him, digging casually in the sand or pretending to collect handfuls of pebbles. But the moment their victim ejaculates, they jump him, hitting, biting and tugging at his fur.

Fire Ant: Queen and Workers "Negotiate" the Colony’s Sex Ratio

Ants have a complex social structure. Case in point: some scientists used to think that worker ants are all females who control the queen (a simple egg-laying machine) and kill their brothers while still larvae.

It turns out the queen has more say than this: she controls the number of females and male eggs she lays.

But why does a colony’s sex ratio matter? A queen wants to propagate her line by producing another queen, which needs male drones to mate and produce a colony. Worker ants, on the other hand, have no use for males (which die after mating).

So, the queen and her daughters negotiate a rather violent solution: when she needs male drones, the queen will "overwhelm" the colony with male eggs. The female workers will kill many of their brothers, but they can’t kill them all!

Sea Hare: Mating Chain

Sea hares, like all sea slugs (see flatworm above), are hermaphrodites. But that’s not all - they’re efficient hermaphrodites! When sea hares mate, they form a mating chain of several animals!

The sea hare in front acts as the female to the one directly behind it. Sometimes, they even form a giant circle, with everyone inside happily mating the day away.

Argonaut: Detachable Penis

Argonaut or paper nautilus is a weird species of octopus. First, they have a highly divergent sexual dimorphism. That’s science-speak for the difference in body sizes between males and females. A female argonaut grows up to 10 cm (~ 4 in.) with shells as large as 45 cm (~ 18 in.) The male, however, is only 2 cm (3/4 in) long!

But that’s not why argonaut is on this list. The male argonaut produces a ball of spermatozoa in a special tentacle called a hectocotylus [wiki]. When meeting a female it fancies, the male then detaches its penis to swim by itself to the female!

This detachable swimming penis was actually first noted by an Italian naturalist back in the 1800s, who mistook it for a parasitic worm!

Whiptail Lizard: Sex? No Thanks! We’ll Clone Ourselves Instead.

In the bizarre life of a whiptail lizard, reproduction is preceeded by pseudocopulation, where two females act out the roles of a male mounting a female (they switch roles later on).

Apparently, this is required to stimulate egg production in both lizards. When the eggs hatch, they will be all-female clones of the mother lizard.

Straw Itch Mite: Incestuous Brothers

After they are born, the male straw itch mites (pyemotes) hang around their mom, stinging her to suck out her body fluids.

The male mites are born sexually mature. In fact, they will immediately grab and mate with their sister within minutes of her birth!

Banana Slug: Penis Stuck? Chew It Off!

Banana slug, the beloved mascot of UC Santa Cruz, has a weird mating habit. First of all, they have an enormous penis. (In fact, their latin name dolichyphallus translates to "giant penis.") The average size of a banana slug penis is 6 to 8 inches. This is incredibly impressive, considering their entire body length is 6 to 8 inches as well!

Banana slugs are hermaphrodites, so two slugs will try to fertilize each other. To mate properly, a slug must choose a mate roughly its own size - if it miscalculates, its penis will get stuck during copulation.

This isn’t just an embarrassing faux pas, the other slug will actually bite off the stuck penis, a term scientists euphemistically called "apophallation."

Anglerfish: Let’s Me Be A Part of You. Literally.

At first, scientists were perplexed because they’ve never caught a male anglerfish. Also, all female anglerfish have a lump on their body that looks like a parasite. Only later did scientists discover that the lump is the remain of the male fish.

The tiny male anglerfish are born without any digestive system, so once they hatch, they have to find a female quickly. When a male finds a female, he quickly bites her body and releases an enzyme that digests his skin and her body to fuse the two in an eternal embrace. The male then wastes away, becoming nothing but a lump on the female anglerfish’s body!

When the female is ready to spawn, her "male appendage" is there, ready to release sperms to fertilize her egg.

Fruit Fly: World’s Longest Sperm

The title of world’s longest sperm actually belongs to a tiny fruit fly called Drosophila bifurca. When the coiled sperm is straightened out, it measures about 2 inches which is over 1,000 times longer than a human sperm. In fact, the testes of a fruit fly makes up 11 percent of the body mass of the male!

Turns out the very long sperm is evolutionarily driven by the just-as-long female reproductive tract, which is like an obstacle course, complete with harsh chemicals to weed out weak sperms.

Argentine Lake Duck: Very Well-Endowed, Can Even Lasso a Female.

From head to tail, the Argentine lake duck measures about 17 inches. That also happens to be the length of its corkscrew-shaped penis when stretched out. The tip of the penis is soft and brush-like, which the drake uses to brush away sperms deposited by a previous suitor.

University of Alaska Kevin McCracken explains that the ducks are promiscuous, and the long penis may be an evolutionary adaptation for the males to become more attractive to the females. That, and the drake also uses his penis to "lasso" a female who tries to escape from it.

Gorilla: Big, But Not So Big.

Upside: Mature male gorillas, called silverbacks, are huge (up to 425 lb., sometimes even more). A silverback lives in a troop of 5 up to 30 females, with which he mates all year long. There is little competition for females, since a large silverback is scary and can easily protect its group from challengers.

Downside: 1 1/2 inch (~ 4 cm) penis. (Yeah, no competition for females remember?). So, remember that next time someone say you’re an "800-lb gorilla" - it may just be an insult!

ok that's all for now.

cause i like to play dress-up.

top - zara . cardigan - meita's . necklace - diva . shorts - giordano . glasses - bugis street

SHORT PEOPLE RULE THE WORLD

2009-03-19T17:05:00.005+08:00

SHORT PEOPLE GOT NO REASON TO LIVE
-Randy Newman

Frankly, I'd say that statement is absolutely wrong. I personally have come to a conclusion that the taller you are the slower you think. Maybe that's not the case for studies and such. Nonetheless, it's fairly true based on my personal case studies ;D

SAMPLE 1:
Tall, even for a guy. I'm about his armpit >.< Processing time approximately 3s. Cover his brain faulty with a big grin and red nose. Still possible to have a normal conversation. Very good in his studies even though he's very blur in most conversation.

SAMPLE 2:
Very tall for a girl. I'm almost about her shoulder.Processing time approximately 5s. Will say yes after 3s and then 'hah' after another 2s. Sometimes having difficulties in more detailed conversation. Actually smart and talented. She's just freaking slow.

SAMPLE 3:
Average height for a guy. Slightly gay. Likes polkadots. Processing time slightly faster than the first guy. Speculated to be partially deaf. Similar to sample 5. A girl with average height, good fashion sense but a bit slow.

SAMPLE 4:
Slightly taller than me. Very slow. Processing time: she'll get it approximately 5s after we finished the whole talk. Maybe the exception to the rule since she's not that tall ;D

Well anyway, based on my research on the internet, height is directly proportional to human IQ. Why? They said it maybe due to prenatal and adolescence nutritional status or even self-esteem. Or maybe it's just fate? Frankly, being slow does not mean you have low IQ or you're dumb. It's either you think too much, you have very short attention span, you're deaf, or maybe you just don't get it. My theory is that since tall people have longer body parts, the sensory cells need to travel longer lengths to reach the brain. Thus, leave some parts of the stimulation behind. That is why the information received in the brain is imperfect. Well, that's my TOTALLY OUT OF THIS WORLD theory. So read it just for fun, don't argue based on it okay. FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

Should try read more on Relation between Height and the Maximum Conduction Velocity of the Ulnar Motor Nerve in Human Subjects
By Kohsi TAKANO, Friedrich KIRCHNER, Frank STEINICKE, Axel LANGER, Hiromichi YASUI and Junya NAITO.

My theory might be true after all. WHO KNOWS.

CAUSE I'M OUT TO FIND A NEW DRESS.

Oversized Sweater - Dorothy Perkins . Top - Zara . Black Leggings . Shoes - Crocs

Inspiration of the day: queenbeediaries.blogspot.com

10pm rambling.

2009-03-18T22:34:00.004+08:00

i have quite an impossible dream. I want to become a fashion designer. If i'm not wrong my designs almost reach 5books. Okay,its thin and my drawing sucks. But i did all of it during my primary years ;D quite proud of myself i'd say. Anyway, for the past two years i've been wanting to blog about fashion. Fashion blogging some would say. Since i'm 'fat' (i prefer the term chubby actually), i don't have the guts to put up my photos openly. Nonetheless, since my blog isnt that popular, i think it's quite ok to just express myself openly ;D furthermore GF encouraged me to EMBRACE MY CURVES. oh wells, that's all for today. Actually i wanted to talk about the fact that the taller u are the slower ur brain work for processing certain things. But i think i'll just continue tomorrow. Nitezz.

CAUSE IT'S AN ORGANIC FAMILY DINNER.

Top - Zara . Pants - Giordano . Shoes - Crocs . Cardigan - Thrift Store . Belt - Mom's

Inspiration of the day: hailmary-fullofgrace.blogspot.com

COMMON TESTS AND PRIOR TO IT.

2009-03-12T20:14:00.006+08:00

JOCELYN.TIARA.YITING
SKULLCANDY TI PINK
THE NOT SO COMPETITIVE RUN
CJC CROSS COUNTRY 2009
A SOUVENIR FROM MCRITCHIE ;D
VENEZIA ICECREAM!!
COMMON TESTS.
ONE MORE TEST FOR ME TO SCREW UP.
I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE A PIGSTY, BUT IT'S MINE. SO SHUSH.
HOLIDAY IN 2 DAYS ;D

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

FROM AYU'S ;D

2009-03-09T21:08:00.003+08:00

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.
You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.
Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME ;D

2009-03-01T08:11:00.002+08:00

How well do you know me?

Your first impression of me upon meeting/seeing me?
1. mati...matanya gede mampus.gyahaha
2. holy shit
3. "witch" ?
4. wow. she talks a lot.
5. g pikir pendiem tp tnyata ribut bngt..
6. ?
7. annoying
8. buset cempreng banget ni bocah!
9. cebol dan bawel, tapi nyokap gw bilang lo cantik loh ! (nyokap gw lagi flu waktu itu btw...)
10. ribut! lol. peace, man...=p
11. ok, i decided not to be rude...
12. ......

Am I funny?
1. LOL
2. if funny here meaning youre not funny to laugh with, but funny to laugh at, then yes, youre abnormally hilarious.
3. idem ama atas ... lalala :P
4. YES. HAHAHAHA.
5. yup.. absolutely wahahaha..
6. not at all
7. kadang" tp banyakan ngeselinnya sih..
8. no, but i love to laugh at you! hahahahahaha.. peace!
9. annoyingly hilarious hehehe
10. lame... haha...
11. har....har...har...
12. haha.. hard question to answer. lucu kalo lagi ngerjain orang hahaha. she's just so talented at this..

What's my favorite music?
1. dangdut
2. punk?
3. model² "officially missing you" dan skitarnya gtu lah
4. I think you dont mind pop/rock/oldies hahahaha.
5. anything that you like
6. campursari!punk dominant..hhe
7. metal? anything goes yee.
8. apayaa dulu sih pas sd lo demen lagunya Kim Possible! hahaha
9. entah, seinget gw si yang berisik2. punk-rock kali
10. lagu2 berisik...=p
11. tompi? this way? haha. maybe
12. Punk Rock - Green Day, Simple Plan with maximum volume in iPod.

Would you call me peppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else(what)?
1. pinkish
2. BUNETA
3. bookworm ...
4. i would call you pinky.
5. pink freak
6. the expressionist!!
7. JELEK !!
8. GENIUS!
9. shorty ( why do you even bother to ask **evil grin**)
10. shorty...lol
11. once again, i dont wanna be rude..
12. the most hyperactive and enthusiastic girl ever seen in the history of mankind (in a good way). haha

Have you ever hugged me?
1. geezz...i did a lot more 'stuff' with you
2. let's keep all that a secret ;)
3. nope ... djambak sering ... heartless ...
4. Nope. D:
5. yup.. many times :P
6. belom kan ya?haha
7. g pernah. di tabok,di tonjok,di jambak,di lempar botol sering..
8. lupa, sepertinya pernah
9. erm... nope. mau? tar yah kapan2, hubungin manager gw dulu (anjrit XD)
10. sering dulu...haha...
11. i hate germs...
12. nope..

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be?
1. TIT*T
2. once again, BUNETA
3. "witch"?
4. I just told you, it's pinky.
5. hmm.. tit..
6. ga ada
7. JELEK !!
8. BUNETA!
9. shitty shorty sounds good
10. say...lol. beyb? lol
11. for the third and last time....
12. ......

If you and I were stranded on an island, what would I bring?
1. your laptop
2. your ipod
3. glasses ... ?
4. your phone. so you can call to get help.
5. your handphone
6. HP
7. dunno, for me i just need a gun with only 1 bullet
8. glasses and your cranky voice hahahahaha
9. IPOD
10. ipod, kalo ga PSP
11. swimsuit n sunglasses? oh, and sunblock too.
12. iPod lol

Where do you think I will be in 25 years?
1. lagi saweran nyanyi dangdut
2. uh...tv?
3. bed with lotsa books?
4. Married, maybe an architect... kids... :D
5. married wit someone and become tai2 hahahaha..
6. menggendong anak brnama sheeva..hha
7. jail or hell? which one you prefer? ahahaiii canda ti.. suka" lo dah mau dimana..
8. a good mother for your children hahaha
9. 25 taun lagi? wuih, hard to say... kyknya orang kyk lo si ga bisa jadi housewife jadi NOPE. Jadi pekerja kantoran kali yah XD
10. earth...kecuali kalo sesuatu terjadi ma lu...ato lu pindah ke bulan...lu kasih tau gw yach? lol.
11. John Legend: " Heaven only knows..."
12. ibu rumah tangga yang suka gangguin dan nyubit anaknya gr2 anak2nya terlalu imut dan chubby.. jkjk

unfinished chocolates and organic chem.

2009-02-17T17:01:00.005+08:00

From the old tree house full of caterpillar
When i was the queen and you were my king
It was itchy, but the kiss still so real
The forgotten memories

Sharing teas and buying milks
What is love and what is like
Standing at the edge of puberty
Our forgotten memories

First love lasts for 5 years
Wild imagination and excessive obsession
I'm not a witch and ur not my cat
The forgotten memories

I think it was when i saw ur cap
You sang linkin park and emoed with snare drums
Our cheesy poems would never last
Our forgotten memories

I don't even know you much
But your kindness strucked me boldly
It was short and sweet due to time limit
Thanks for the memories

You're cute and u're kind
but u were too much to handle
it was meant to be a fling
Sorry for the memories

A drummer who likes strawberries, rare
Interesting arguments and flirtatious jokes
First dance was awesome with you
Thanks for the memories

The rain cried when we're together
I swear u're the sweetest guy ever
and i swear i'm not the one for you
Sorry for the memories

They say that when people die they become a star,
but when i die i want to become the moon.
The stars are so far away from earth,
but since the moon is so close,
i won't be lonely at all.

HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE'S DAY.

2009-02-16T16:48:00.001+08:00

In this life we all search for something
Something good and something oh so pure
Well I believe that if you find that one thing
You must fight, for then you will be sure

Chorus:
Could it be that I have found an angel
I can see heaven in your eyes
In my soul I never will be lonely
For there will be an angel by my side

There were times I never thought I'd make it
Never dreamed I'd find someone like you
Who'd be there when days were at their darkest
Watching over everything I do

Chorus:
Could it be that I have found an angel
I can see heaven in your eyes
In my soul I never will be lonely
For there will be an angel by my side
There will be an angel by my side

Could it be that I have found an angel
I can see heaven in your eyes
In my soul I never will be lonely
There will be an angel by my side

In my soul I never will be lonely
For there will be an angel by my side

Do - Angel By My Side

BLOOD DONATION.

2009-02-13T22:56:00.003+08:00

12/02/09 - BLOOD DONATION DRIVE

i wanted to donate blood since long long time ago, but i got not enough balls to do it. then suddenly yiting asked me to go donate with her. so i said YES. I WAS FREAKING SCARED! i planned to donate before PE so i could skip PE (obviously ;D). but then i gave up and decided to donate before GP (after break-GP-break-PE). but in the end i finish donating just before PE. ok i admit that i am scared of any kind of injection. be it vaccine, blood check or just put on drip. my mom was pretty shocked when i told her i'm donating. she was like 'are you sure u're gonna be alright?' and i was like 'i'm gonna learn to face my fear mom, YEAHH!!' the queue was not that long but it took me 1.5hr to reach the 'chair of torture'. some guys from my class keep telling me how painful it is and how big the syringe is. my face was pale for most of the time i spent in the hall extension. even the lady told me to back up cos i was so damn tense before she even prick me. well with my strong will and arnold's help, i was able to bear the pain. i didn't cry, i didn't scream, i didn't shout. AWESOME IMPROVEMENT ;D to bad yiting can't donate cos they couldn't find her vein. in the end i still skipped PE cos i got a vv bad headache. i can't open my eyes properly, dammit. after i told my mom everything, her 1st reaction was 'u never cried? i can't believe it.' DO NOT EVER UNDERESTIMATE ME :D TIARA POWER!! ahaha. what a wonderful experience.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMERALD ;D

2009-02-07T10:55:00.003+08:00

Quiz 1

1. Do you have secrets ?
i think so.

2. Would you fall in love with a boy younger than you ?
maybe.

3. Do you enjoy going to school ?
not really.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars ?
hmm.i'm gonna spend half and save half ;D
go around europe maybe,do loads of shopping of course.

5. What is your view towards love ?
i'm quite a sceptic.

6. Which is more blessed , loving someone or being loved by someone ?
being loved ;D

7. List out your 15 favourite songs :
#o1: If I Were A Boy - Beyonce
#o2: Selamanya Cinta - d'Cinnamons
#o3: Say So - My Favorite Highway
#o4: Sepanjang Hidupku - Pilot
#o5: Teenagers - My Chemical Romance
#o6: Merindukanmu - d'Massiv
#o7: Check Yes Juliet - We The Kings
#08: Ceria - J'Rocks
#09: Basketcase - Greenday
#10: The City is at War - Cobra Starship
#11: About You Now - Miranda Cosgrove
#12: Tinggal Kenangan - Gabby
#13: Am I Not Pretty Enough - Kasey Chambers
#14: Oh Teganya - Tangga
#15: Be The One - The Ting Tings

8. If the person you love is already attached , what would you do ?
just stay as his best friend.

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy ?
that i'll never be alone ;D

10. What makes you angry ?
annoying bitches.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time ?
27, i might even have kids >.<

12. Who is currently the most important people to you ?
family and friends.

13. What is the most important thing in life ?
enjoy it.

14. Single or attached ? with who ?
single.

15. What is your favourite colour ?
pink.

16. Would you give your all in a relationship ?
it depends.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously , who would you pick ?
none.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done ?
yeah, i think so.

19. Fart or burp ?
burp.

Quiz 2

1. Where is the person you want the most now ?
dunno yet.

2. Where will you be 2 hours from now ?
bathing plus doing my laundry.

3. Last kiss ?
my pillow.

4. Does your ex miss you ?
how should i know...

5. Does anyone love you ?
i hope so ;D

6. Can you make yourself sneeze ?
i can do the fake one.

7. Has your ex moved on ?
not sure. some yes some haven't.

8. What are you doing tomorrow ?
shopping with dearest junior.

9. Are you easily confused ?
i think so.

10. Do you think you would make a good wife/husband ?
hope so, lol.

11. Where were you at 9am this morning ?
running ;D

12. Do you fall for people easily ?
not really.

13. Everything happens for a reason ?
i suppose so.

14. What does your last text message read ?
"Ok. Cya ntar ;)"

15. What are you listening to right now ?
teenagers - mcr.

16. How was your week so far ?
boring and hectic.

17. Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't ?
uhm not now.

18. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again ?
last person?my mom, yeah ;D

19. Do you sleep with the TV on ?
yeah >.<

20. Are you too forgiving ?
i think so.

21. Have you ever wanted to be a firefighter ?
nope.

22. Do you still have pictures of you & your ex ?
hha, yeah.he's my best friend ;D

23. Who do you miss?
my family.

24. What was the last thing you put in your mouth ?
a straw.

25. If you could have any car what would it be ?
porsche boxster s.

26. What are you stressed about ?
the fact that i haven't touch any of my work.

27. Do you have anything in your pockets right now ?
nope.

28. How many windows are open on your computer ?
6.

29. In the past week have you gotten sick ?
kind of.

30. In the past week have you gotten your hair cut ?
nope.

31. Who was your last call from?
ramses, my dearest senior. AHAHA :D

32. What can't you wait for ?
holidays.

33. What do you do most of your time ?
reading comics, yaiks.

34. How much clothes do you have in your closet ?
lots.

35. On a scale of 1-10 , how good is life ?
6.

36. Will you and your ex ever get back together ?
future is unpredictable.

37. Do you think you'll be a good mother/father ?
i'll try my best ;D

38. Are you high-maintenance ?
kind of, lol.

39. Do people hate you ?
how should i know...

40. Do you trust your best friend ?
yesss.

41. What's your pets name ?
i had dogs, bambi and brandal.now only have fishes without names...

42 . If you could change one thing about yourself , what would it be ?
my laziness.

43. Where is your father ?
@ home i think.

44. Does the person you love know you love him/her ?
uhm my mom knows i love her. does that counts?

45. If you could tell him one thing , what would it be ?
i don't have any "him" right now ;D

FUN STUFF!!

2009-02-06T21:54:00.008+08:00

wohoo.
manda and me

peace ;D

me and mom

jm and me

what?

maria jessica tiara

shuush.

tiara angela germain
polkadots.

somewhere over the rainbow.
germain tiara angela jocelyn weijie
2T18!!

yellow reminds us of piss.

50 environmentally friendly bracelets.

butt ass.

me @LT2

before econs lecture.

officially over.

2009-01-18T14:30:00.003+08:00

now i'm SURPRISINGLY very lazy to upload more photos to this blog. it's easier to upload it on facebook ;D now i'll give you the lyrics of my latest song. ahaha, it's very random and disorganized. and it doesn't really have any deep meaning either. but nonetheless, enjoy.

CHANGE MYSELF.

i used to hide inside my room
locking all the doors
feeling save and sound
though i know
i'm just being strange

i close my eyes, shutting down my windows
changing all the masks
freezing up my heart
oh my,
what's happened to me?

coz i know, it won't change a thing
i've been hiding from myself
running from the world
that i didn't really care

and i know, it won't be the same
there'll be no more fairytales
no more trivial plays
i know it's time for me...
to change myself

now i'll open up this tight lid space
talking loud and clear
shout out all my thoughts
i'm smiling
still trying...

fito's bdae ;D

2008-12-16T22:58:00.003+08:00

having fun.

2008-11-21T14:50:00.005+08:00

@ SENAYAN CITY WITH TYAS, KINSHI N JM

BATAM OCIP 17-20 NOV 08

DAY 01

i was expecting them to be passive and all. but no worries, i can even define them as hyperactive. lol. it was an awesome day. OKTA IS SO FREAKIN CUTE. to bad i didn't get the chance to paint >.<>

i forgot to bring my cam on day 2 >.<

basically more playing games and i did some painting ;D i realized painting was less straining than playing with the kids. they literally abused us (especially the guys). i pity weijie, lol. then @ night we celebrate Ashley's bday (even tho its the wrong day. i found out e next day.) and of course PRANK CALLS. lol, nobody realized it. in e end they blamed other classes. karan was damn funny, too bad i didn't record him.

DAY 03

the kids looked pretty sad, and they all kissed me alot. i'll surely miss them >.< OH I LEARNED HOW TO WALK ON THE BIG WHEEL, or whatever it is. but it was fun. i wanna do it again! we did some shopping afterwards @ nagoya hill AGAIN. we had reflection session AGAIN. then we had some small party @ steph's room. the drinking game was hillarious. hq seriously suck at rhyming and some 'nasty' kissings happen. lol. tiring day but worth it.

safely back home.

2008-11-13T09:42:00.004+08:00

as usual, i've got nothing to do. ok, all i've been doing were playing tennis, accompanying my little brother and his misfits, going to loads of fair/convention (japan,it,books) and just visiting random malls. oh i watched quantum of solace, it wasn't bad. still busy with OCIP stuff. wth. greatgreatgreat. GOOD NEWS: i got new tennis racket!! yay!! and it's pink!! lovelovelove ;D (shall upload the pics next time) what else,hmmm. still waiting for tyas to come my house. she doesn't know my address yet. and she nv ask. dumbshit. oh well, better be ready now. going out in 1 hour. ok, THIS SUNDAY GOING TO BATAM, KYAKYAKYA. lazzzyyy. then next week can't play tennis >.< my dad asked me to just join taekwondo for these 2 months, but i mean what's the point. what can u learn abt taekwondo in just mere 2 months?! i personally prefer tennis, even though my arms always suffer afterwards.. kk, that's all for now.

PHOTOBLOG.

2008-11-06T22:35:00.012+08:00

PHOTOS.

CJCH SENIOR FAREWELL.

xx1008

ROOMMATES.

JAZ.TIT.YH
COWGIRL?
LOL.
JAZ.TIT.JM.YH
JCs.
the farewell was fun even tho there was some problems in the morning. in e end i became the 'bimbo' reporter then i sang the greatest love of all + encore (somewhere over the rainbow). i screwed up the 2nd song >.<

WELCOMING THE GREAT GRAND JUNIORS!

041108

GREAT GRAND SENIORS.
WITH 'MINYAK BUMI'
WITH GGJUN.
WITH JUNS.

WITH ANOTHER GGJUN.

GGSENS.

i love it! now i have abt 40++ ggjun. WOW. and 6'll go to tms (2girls 4boys). moreover, the cute penguin boy got posted to tms too. LOL. it was quite surprising to find andrew from batch 11 there (he's older than ramses, rhesa, henkie, EVEN ADITH i think). i went with the 2nd bus to dunman-mcnair-parry hall. it was quite fun even tho i'm the only ggsen in there.

BOWLING+ARCADE WITH T18

051108

ANGE.GERM.TI

SUPERMAN?

RAINS.

TI.JOC

GERM.ANGE

PEACE.NG.

WALKING AGAIN.
DDR!
FUN!

some of the guys were making a big fuss abt my 'sex bands'. argh annoying much. but overall it was quite fun. my bowling skills were as lousy as ever. the ddr... lets just say the blisters were worth it.

TOMORROW I'M GOING BACK TO JAKARTA!! YAY! YAY! YAY!

NO MORE PW!

2008-11-03T15:03:00.003+08:00

i just finished my OP today. ARGH. it was ok overall. aside from the fact that my laptop crashed 1 hour before my op. YES, my laptop died in a blink of an eye. ALL GONE. especially the crucially important slides. i was totally stressed out. first my op will be in 1 hour, n we got no laptop, no ppt. second, MY LAPTOP DIED. all my stuff, my IMPORTANT NOTES gone. gone gone. i think only i noticed the second fact... no problem. i still feel guilty cos i put the group in danger cos my laptop suddenly crashed. yes, my fault. so i tried to be calm, at least i brought along my thumb drive n can still barrow laptop from JM or wayne. moreover i sent the latest ppt to all of my group members, so we still have the slides. still as stress as ever but maybe abit calmer. i tried my best not to show how i want to cry and just run away. but pressure still lingers. then my thumbdrive cannot work. GREAT. good thing joseph has his thumbdrive with him. THANK GOD. JM's group member complained cos i wanna use JM's laptop. well, i used wayne's instead. in the end we manage the crisis quite well. our presentation turned up to be all right and nicely done. all swell. the same thing doesn't apply to my laptop though. CAN YOU AT LEAST FREAKIN UNDERSTAND THAT MY LAPTOP WAS RUINED. i cried abit. releasing the stress, pressure, sadness etc. well, at least some of my impt files survive cos of THE GREAT INTERNET. ALL HAIL FACEBOOK, ALL HAIL BLOGGER, ALL HAIL FLICKR. i rily rily wanna go out rite now... but no one can accompany me. wanna go marina sq and buy the cardigan. well at least CJ079 STILL ROCKS MY SOCKS. NO MORE PW NO MORE PW. thanks to jiaai,raymond,karan,arnold for ur help and support throughout the pw meetings n stuff.waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. now i need to continue packing my stuff again.

MORNING RANT

2008-11-01T01:18:00.002+08:00

LIL' RED W/O e RED

monday op. monday op. monday op. KYA KYA KYA. i need to pack some more. realy no mood to blog. just wanna show u all my newfound talent (not exactly a talent, but i thot it was a VERY GOOD IMPROVEMENT. i really suck at drawing before ;D) SO HAPPY! maybe i'm not a very hopeless architect wannabe after all. ok nowadays addicted to plurking, word challenge and 3 dads 1 mom.and u all really shud watch http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/standup_comedy/Vader_in_the_Cafeteria/ and http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=6798 . anw shud sleep now so can sontinue packing in the morning. MUHAHA. packing pics coming soon.

ULTAH 15MB

2008-10-26T17:22:00.020+08:00

yesterday was awesome!!I LOVE 15MB.

1. meet ayto @ PAGEONE

2. meet ACJCians in front of GV

3. the rest follows

4. eat @ BANQUET

5. buy ice cream

6. buy marble cheesecake @ secret recipe

7. celebrate birthday - 16ppl

8. xchange gifts
9. camwhoring
10. tease lia and her BF

11. eat @ food republic - 11 people + teki for a minute or so

12. camwhoring

13. TRUTH or TRUTH

14. goodbyes.

JALAN RAYA '08

2008-10-20T15:20:00.017+08:00

ME AND MY NEW BAJU KURUNG

FUNNN.
I'M SORRY I'M FREAKISHLY RETARDED
ZANA.TIARA

CUTE.

TIARA.ZANA.HANEE.ZAMEER

RAYA'08.

KEJU.

WHEE.

CAMWHORE 1.

CAMWHORE 2.

CAMWHORE 3.

CAMWHORE 4.

I SERIOUSLY HAVE NO TALENT IN PHOTOGRAPHY.

PS: DOREMIFASOLATIDO IS FREAKIN' NICE!! the casts oso vv good looking ;D LOVELOVE.

EXAMS OVERRR.

2008-10-10T21:40:00.005+08:00

PROMOS ARE NO-NOS

before PHYSICS.

before MATHS.

before CHEM.

MASTERPIECE.

after EVERYTHING.

worst HARI RAYA everrrrr.

2008-10-01T11:42:00.008+08:00

ECONS WAS MUCH MORE LESS DEMORALISING THAN GP.

sometimes i wonder whether they gave me the right gender.
pigsty.

STEPHANIE IS THE BOMB.

from my ex-roommate.

crappy BUT cute. LOVE YOU JM.

my own HARI RAYA. lol.

i woke up at 10. last night i slept at 2am cos i was to engrossed in reading some random comic, lol. actually i planned to do some physics. but it didnt work, as usual. in the end this morning i didn't go to kbri to pray. oh well, tmr is physics anyway, my worst enemy. i think this is the worst hari raya ever. no family, no fun, no nothing. just another boring day. should thank tyas n jm for making it slightly different from any other hectic day. sigh. i shall look forward to this saturday raya with zana. ok back to e. field >.<

PROMOS NEARING, YET HERE I AM SNIFFING AND COUGHING AWAY MY TIME. *sniffs

2008-09-25T22:35:00.004+08:00

slight fever >.<

next week is promo... haven't finish studying yet. i don't think im ready. yet i still don't care. what is wrong with me! haiz. to make things worse, i got sick. tiara, you have done a very good job in ruining ur own life. great. now i got flu, cough, slight fever and (sometimes) headache. God, why u never let me sick when i want to!! and always let me sick during exams. unfair... oh well, off i go study more econs...

Young girl don’t cry, i’ll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it’s alright, your tears will dry, you’ll soon be free to fly
When you’re safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing’s harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there’s no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way
You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within
Young girl don’t hide, you’ll never change if you just run away
Young girl just hold tight, soon you’re gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It’s so hard to stand your ground when you’re so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you look outside look inside to your soul
Life is a journey, it can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you’re learning, you’ll find all you’ll ever need to know
You’ll break it. You’ll make it

Just don’t forsake it because, no one can tell you what you can’t do
No one can stop you, you know that I’m talking to you
Young girl don’t cry, i’ll be right here when your world starts to fall

christina aguilera - the voice within

day 17.

2008-09-17T15:23:00.007+08:00

well, basically i really feel like blogging. but i dunno what to write. nothing special happened these days *aside from the fact that i'm back together >.<. everyone too busy mugging. and here i am, writing nonsense while downloading another comic. rite... i kinda finished my WR *yay. and i got new internet connection from singtel, which is SO MUCH FASTER. okay, i am super bored. i dunno what to write dammit. well, in the end i decided to post these random pictures of stuff that i craved rite now.

TAYLOR LAUTNER

(ok technically he's not a 'thing' u can crave for. but a girl can dream rite?)

shirt from HOH

pink wayfarer

VANS SHOES

craving for food... AYO TIARA JANGAN LUPA BELAJAR !!!!! (tyas... gk penting)

260808

2008-08-26T18:11:00.003+08:00

ok seriously. ms tan's so called 'punishment' is ... oh i dunno how to describe.

does that answer everything? i can't feel my fingers for an hour or so... for once, i HATE my name. 21 words! sigh.

but i don't mind writing 'I LOVE JACOB BLACK AND TAYLOR LAUTNER.' *grin -- snap out of it, he's 16 -- ok back to reality. oh wait, THAT'S EXACTLY LIKE BELLA AND JACOB. oh nice *widergrin

oh shit, i'm still in twilight-addict mood.CRAP.should change to mugger-mode SOON. ok, like NOW. kk, shall study for chem and do maths tutorial and GP tuition homework.

anw, AVRIL LAVIGNE'S CONCERT IS NEXT SUNDAY. dammit.

Personal affection is a luxury you can only after all your enemies are eliminated.

Until then, everyone you love is a hostage,

sapping your courage and corrupting your judgement.

Orson Scott Card

Empire

PRODUCTIVE not equal to STUDYING.

2008-08-25T22:29:00.007+08:00

stagnation.

teacher's day FRONT

teacher's day BACK

feeling productive?

i really should do this more often.

But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil,

thou shalt not eat of it:

for in the day that thou eatest thereof

thou shalt surely die.

Genesis 2:17